


The Long Way

by HMS_Chill



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Animal Rescue, Both of them, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, farmer au, specifically a dairy farm, they just need a nap, this is just like five hurt/comfort fics in a trench coat, vet au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:21:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25122316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HMS_Chill/pseuds/HMS_Chill
Summary: (Alternately titled "SOMEONE GIVE LIAM A HUG" or "Stronk Farm Boyfriends")Liam's just finishing up vet school, and he's a month shy of achieving the thing he's been working for since he was a kid. When he gets called out to a farm to witness a calf birth and notices something wrong, under-researched, and curable, it's the perfect thing to treat and document so he can write a paper that will jump-start his career. Of course, the fact that the calf is owned by a cute dairy farmer doesn't hurt, either.
Relationships: Liam/Spencer (Red White & Royal Blue)
Comments: 203
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

Liam is just getting back to his apartment when he gets the call, and he's back out the door before he even sets his bag down. His boss's contact's cow has gone into labor, and as much as she should be able to do it on her own, if he wants to pass his farm residency requirement, Liam has to be there when she gives birth. It's probably unnecessary, but he doesn't really mind; it'll be nice to spend a bit of time on a ranch before he's got to get back to studying. The ranch is a reasonable drive, and it's a nice night out. Really, exam aside, the calf picked a beautiful time to come into the world. The bluebells are in bloom, and it's looking like they'll have a gorgeous sunset, so if they come along soon enough, their first view of the sky will be a fantastic one.

His phone's GPS takes him to the ranch gate, and he grins as he drives over the cattle guard. Something about the way his tires jolt always feels special somehow; it takes him out of a world of exams and bills and exhaustion and into the fantasy ranch of his childhood dreams. There's a big farm house, a few barns, and then open pasture as far as the eye can see, a small herd grazing against the backdrop of the setting sun. 

He finds the right barn easily enough, and though he doesn't see his boss's truck, he parks outside. When he opens the door, he's hit with the unmistakable scent of a farm. Objectively, it's an awful smell, but he just grins and lets it wash over him for a second before he grabs his bag and goes into the barn, which is apparently full of nicely bedded cattle boxes. There's the buzz of an overhead electric light, the gentle lowing of cattle, and a quiet human voice cutting through the sounds of the barn.

"You're doing great; I'm so proud of you. Yeah, it's alright. Ooh, that was a big one. You're doing so well, and the doctors will be here soon, just to see if you need any help. Yes, you could do this all by yourself, because you're a big girl, but I want to make sure you're okay." It's a nice voice, and Liam tracks it down to a nice looking man, one sitting in the hay of a box with a cow's head in his lap. She's breathing heavily, her sides heaving as he pets her face. There's a calf just starting to emerge below her tail.

"I'm Liam; I'm one of the doctors coming to make sure she's doing alright. How's it been so far?" he asks, crouching beside the farmer. He looks up, and Liam registers somewhere that he's cute. 

"I'm Spencer. She's doing well, from what I can tell. It's been longer than some of the other births I've been here for, but they always feel longer in the moment than they really are." The cow heaves another labored breath, and Spencer turns back to petting her face, quietly promising her that he's going to look after her and telling her that she's doing great. It's very, very sweet. 

Liam turns to the cow, too, moving her tail aside gently and rubbing her back as he checks on how the calf's doing. Another push, and the calf emerges a bit more. "It looks like she's doing well," he says, and Spencer spares him a smile. Liam digs through his bag, finding gloves for when it's time to make sure the calf is alright and double checking to make sure he has what he needs in case something's wrong. In all likelihood, everything will be find and he won't have needed to be here at all, but he's supposed to see a cow birth before he becomes a full-fledged vet, and it doesn't hurt to reassure the farmer. Especially not when the farmer is as sweet as this one.

It's a tense few moments, full of quiet reassurances and gentle pats, but finally, the cow heaves a final deep breath, gives a final push, and the calf slides into the world. Liam pulls the gloves on just in case, then offers a pair to Spencer, who takes them with a smile. The cow is getting up to check her calf, so they back away a bit, Spencer giving her a last pat as they do.

"She did good," Liam says, and Spencer nods. Liam's boss comes running in just as the calf staggers to their feet, and he's just in time to see them stumble and fall. Spencer's ready to go help them immediately, but Liam holds him back, giving them a few more chances to stand and stumble before he eventually steps forward to see what's wrong. What he finds is a pair of curved front legs, bowing outward at the knee. He helps the calf to stand, and they can hold it, but when they step forward to try to suckle, they stumble. Spencer cries out and hurries to help them, and Liam can hear his boss sigh.

"Crooked calf," his boss says. Spencer wraps his arms around the slimy calf and helps them stumble forward to suckle, stepping back a bit when they latch but refusing to go far. Liam steps back, too, watching them for a moment. At a bigger farm, or one where the farmer didn't care so much, a calf whose crooked legs were this bad would be put down. But watching Spencer support them, watching him pet the mom and calm her, something twists inside Liam.

"Can I talk to you? Outside, just for a minute?" His boss nods and leads the way outside. 

"You know, in a case this bad--"

"I know. But he... I've seen a calf heal from this before. Maybe not this bad, but growing up, it happened to a neighbor's calf and with splints and therapy, they got better. You'd never have known. And I think... I don't know this farmer as well as you do, but I think if there's a farmer in the world who's going to fight for a calf and give them the care they'll need to get better, I think it's this one."

"You think you can save the calf?"

"I think I can try. And I think, at a farm like this, they have a chance."

"Alright. I'll get someone else to take over your morning shift tomorrow; if you can get this calf walking you'll have done a miracle."

"Well, it's not a bad place to hang out for a bit," Liam says, eyes wandering out over the pastures that surround the barn. "Bell would love it here."

"I bet she would, all this open space."

"I'm going to get her a place like this someday; she deserves it," Liam says.

"Who?" he turns, and Spencer's standing in the door of the barn, the front of his shirt covered in gunk from the newborn calf.

"Bell; she's my baby girl. But we're here for your baby. They've got--"

"She. She's... she's a girl. And I know something's wrong with her, and I know when the vet doesn't want you there for a conversation it's not usually a good sign, but if there's anything we can do, I--"

"We're going to try," Liam says, making his mind up right then and there. "It's going to be tough, but I've seen a calf heal from this, and so we're going to fight for her, alright?"

Spencer nods, and Liam says goodbye to his boss, then leads the way back into the barn. Spencer trails him, looking anxious. "So, what she's got is called crooked calf. It's not well researched, and in a case this bad, there's a chance she won't be able to move, and at that point it would be more humane to put her down. But we're going to do our best for her. I know calves who've had it and have gotten better, so we can do our best with her."

"I'll do whatever she needs me to." Spencer's more determined than Liam could have even guessed, and he nods.

"I know. That's... honestly, that's part of why I think she can make it. Right now, we've got to get mom away from her for a bit, so we can get her legs in splints and get an idea of what exactly is going on. There's also a bigger chance that mom will bully her, so we'll have to keep an eye on that to know if we need to find her another mamma cow to spend time with." Spencer nods, and he talks to the cow gently as he leads her out of the box and away from her sleeping baby. When she's out, Liam steps into the box, sinking to his knees in the hay next to the baby and gently taking her leg in his hands, massaging her knee. He feels her muscles relax slowly, then reaches for his bag, pulling out an emergency splint. He'd hoped he wouldn't have to use this, but really, he always hopes he won't have to use his bag.

"What's that?" It's Spencer's voice behind him, and Liam turns, smiling a bit. 

"A splint, so hopefully we can get her legs to straighten out a bit. We'll need to make something more permanent for her soon, but this will work for now. Do you have a band saw or a drill anywhere?"

"I think so."

"Perfect. We'll get some PVC tomorrow, and I'll show you how to make a splint before I have to go to work. But for now, come join me; I'll show you how to massage her knee muscles so we can reshape them and they'll grow right."

Spencer kneels beside him in the hay, and Liam shows him how to rub the calf's knee, gently loosening her muscles until they're ready to be shaped by the splint. He teaches Spencer to realize when he's rubbed them enough, then shows him how to fasten a makeshift splint onto her leg. Spencer watches and learns quickly, and as he ties a knot, Liam can't help but notice how easily his hands move, strong and sure even as they're gentle on the sleeping calf's leg.

"That looks great. Now, I think... If you have some calf milk; we'll maybe get her some colostrum and calcium and go from there. Did you get the navel cord?"

Spencer nods and stands, just as Liam's stomach grumbles. "I did. I'll get mom on a milker so we can make sure she stays fed, and can I get anything for you? Do you... Are you headed home right away, or you could come in and get cleaned up a bit? I should probably get cleaned up." He sounds almost sheepish, as if having helped a baby calf into the world and holding her up for her first meal is something to be embarrassed of.

"I was... she'll need her legs massaged a lot tonight, and might need another meal or two. If it's alright with you, I was actually thinking of spending the night with her? I don't need to, but I want to be able to give her the best shot I can, and tonight is going to be crucial. We won't charge you."

"Oh, of course, feel free. I had... I'm not completely sure what I have left over, but do you want to come in and see what you can find? You should probably get cleaned up a bit before you eat, anyway." Liam looks at the sleeping calf, then nods, scratching between her ears a bit before he stands and follows Spencer out of the barn.

"You've got a gorgeous farm," he says as they step outside. Spencer smiles.

"Thanks. It's been in my family four generations now. As long as it's been a working ranch, really."

"That's amazing. Anyone out here helping you look after it?”

Spencer shakes his head. "Not really. I mean, we have some staff, but in terms of family, it's just me. My parents retired last year and moved in a bit closer to town, and they’re still doing some bookkeeping and things, more of the business side, but a lot of this work… it takes a toll on you. It’s hard work, being out here in the sun and working all day. Their joints aren't what they used to be.”

"I get that. We had family friends with cattle growing up; it's rough on your body. But good on you looking after everything like this. We need more farmers like you."

Spencer smiles at him, then opens the back door of the farm house and waves Liam in ahead of him. “This is the kitchen; feel free to help yourself to anything in the fridge. I’m going to go get cleaned up a bit; get the cow slime cleaned off me.” 

Liam nods, pulling off his gloves and throwing them away before going to the big farm sink in the corner to wash up before he opens the refrigerator. He's met with a variety of vegetables and jugs labeled _MILK FOR PEOPLE_ and _MILK FOR COWS_ in big letters. He grins and rolls his eyes, poking around a bit.

“If you don’t see anything in there, I think there’s some chili mac in the freezer I could heat up,” Spencer’s voice says. Liam turns to see him in the doorway, now with clean forearms and no shirt. Objectively, he’s a very attractive man, the sort of roguish farm boy Liam grew up crushing on. And he moves confidently through the kitchen, grabbing the right container from the freezer and offering a Shiner from the fridge when Liam steps aside. But there’s a tiredness to his movements and the way he holds himself that Liam can’t ignore. He refuses the Shiner, and Spencer puts it back with a nod and a smile.

"Thank you. You don't have to do this; I have stuff in the car I could eat."

"It's the least I can do. If you're really going to be here overnight, feeding you should be a given."

"You're a saint," Liam says with a smile. "Are we planning on milking mom tonight, or should I get her formula from the fridge if she wakes up hungry?"

"I'll get mom milked and make sure you've got it handy, but I can get you a key for this door, too. But you... I can stay with her; you showed me how to massage her legs and everything. I can do it if you want to go home or stay in the house, and I can call you if something goes wrong."

“I don’t mind. I’ve slept in worse places, trust me.”

“If you’re sure. I can get things heated up and brought out in a bit if you’d rather not just wait around in a stranger’s kitchen. Or, I guess maybe it’s better than the barn? I--”

“I’ll be out there,” Liam says, saving Spencer from his floundering. Spencer smiles. 

“Thank you. Seriously. You don’t have to stay.”

"I know. This is just me being overprotective and trying to prove crooked calf is curable. t’s something I’ve sort of known for a while, but there’s no research on it or anything, and if it’s alright with you, if I can record what we’re doing and write it up in a paper, it could really help other small farmers like you who have the time to dedicate to it, or it could help animal rescuers… it could save calves.”

“I don’t mind at all. Do they know what caused it?” He's clearly trying to appear nonchalant, but there's the worry in his stance and tone. He's so scared that he's somehow caused this.

"They think it's something the cow ate while she was pregnant. It happens in grazing herds sometimes; there are some plants we know cause it but it's not always predictable. It's not anything you did."

Spencer's whole body relaxes, and he smiles just a bit brighter. Liam tries not to find it endearing how much he cares about the cattle, because really, lusting after a handsome shirtless dairy farmer's care for his cows is absolutely not what Liam needs to be doing right now. "So it's just... something that happens sometimes?" Spencer asks, and Liam nods.

"Basically. I can give you a list of plants to keep an eye on, but there's a pretty low chance of it, and depending on the size of your pastures it might not make sense to try and weed the whole thing."

The microwave dings before Spencer can answer, and he pulls out the bowl of chili mac. “Here’s this; I’ll go put a shirt on, then get mom milked and find some blankets. You’re sure you won’t sleep in the house?”

Liam shakes his head. “I want to monitor her overnight. Call it part of the research process. I’m just… I’ll take some measurements now to compare to when she’s better. Maybe some video if she tries to get up. Watch _The Dodo_ or somebody want to do a special on her.” Spencer smiles at that, and Liam pulls a fork out of the dish rack to enjoy his meal.

“Alright, well, if you insist.” Spencer digs through his pockets, then gets out a key ring and takes one off. “Here’s the key to this back door. I’ll be out in a bit; you can eat here or take the food out if you’d rather.”

“I’ll head out to the barn. Thank you for dinner.”

"Of course." Spencer turns, and Liam watches him go. He most definitely doesn’t notice that, from a purely objective standpoint, Spencer has very nice back muscles. He just takes a bite of the very delicious chili mac this beautiful farm boy prepared for him and heads out to the barn.

\--

When Spencer comes out to the barn with bottles of milk and a stack of blankets, he finds Liam in the box with the calf, settled comfortably on fresh hay. There's a laptop open in front of him, and notebooks and flashcards are scattered around them. He's talking to her in a baby voice, and she's draped across one of his legs, her head nestled in his lap. 

"What causes maxillary sinusitis in horses, huh?” Liam coos, scratching her forehead. “That’s easy, isn’t it, baby. Ooh, this applies to you a little bit. If a pregnant cow has bovine viral diarrhea, which neurological abnormality could the calf have?” 

“Do I want to know what’s going on here?” Spencer asks, a slight smile on his face, and Liam looks up from his laptop sheepishly. 

"Studying. I've got the NAVLE, the big vet exam, coming up in about a month. She's helping me study."

"Would you like any human help? I might not be as good of a cuddler or as cute as she is, but I might be better at reading flashcards."

Liam laughs a bit at that, then asks, "are you headed to bed soon? I don’t want to keep you up.”

“I don’t mind, if you’d like company out here for a bit. Aside from Annie, I guess.”

“Annie?”

“For Ms. Oakley. Figured if anyone deserves a fighting name like hers, it’s this little girl.”

Liam smiles, reaching over to rub Annie’s knee absently as he turns a page in a notebook. Somehow, he looks completely natural here, studying in the light of a laptop with a calf draped over his leg. She rubs her head against him, and he laughs, moving his hand to scratch the same spot on her forehead he’d been rubbing when Spencer came in. Spencer just watches him quietly, feeling honored just to get to see how gentle Liam is with Annie. Of all the vets in the world, this sweet, dedicated, handsome one came to his farm for this. He got the one vet who would give a calf with messed up legs all this love and support, who would look after her and help her even if her chances are slim. It feels like some kind of miracle.

He has to stop. Not only does he know next to nothing about Liam, but one of the things he does know is that Liam has a girlfriend. He wants to buy that girlfriend a ranch like this, and that means they're serious, so even if Liam is bi or pan or any variation of into guys, he's still off limits. Hell, maybe his 'baby girl' is an actual baby, and Liam's got a partner and a kid he's going to buy a ranch for. Whatever the case, he's not available, no matter how cute he is with Annie or how much Spencer likes him.

“Do you have any flashcards or anything?” Spencer asks, interrupting both the quiet scene and his own thoughts before they can go any further. “It’s been a bit since I helped someone study, but I’m more than willing to quiz you if it would help.”

“Oh, yeah, thanks.” Liam hands over the flashcards, then goes back to rubbing Annie’s ears as Spencer looks through them. He seems a bit more focused on the calf cuddling him than on the papers around him, but with the test a month away, the fact that he’s studying at all is better than Spencer would probably do.

“I’m not sure how many of these I’ll be able to pronounce, but I’ll do my best.” 

Liam looks up with a grin. “Oh, yeah. Well, Latin every letter is pronounced, since they were literally carving it in stone, if that helps. Thanks for trying; it… it’s been ages since I had someone who wanted to help me.”

“Of course, And, hey, some of these things might be nice for me to know, too. If you feel like explaining them would help you make sure you’ve got them down, I’d be happy to hear it.”

“Sure. If any especially common cow issues come up, we’ll talk about them more.”

Spencer nods, and Annie licks Liam before putting her head on his leg, her eyes closing as he pets her face. The night settles in around them as Spencer stumbles over Latin words and Liam helps him get it right, explaining whatever Spencer has questions about without ever making Spencer feel inferior. They work through the flashcards twice before he’s yawning enough that Liam tells him to go to bed, insisting he’s fine in the barn. Still, in the farmhouse that night, Spencer can’t stop thinking about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now know... so many things about dairy farming. So many. Anyway, the information on Crooked Calf syndrome (which is a real birth defect in free range dairy cattle) is as accurate as I could get without a vet school library to help me access scholarly sources, but a lot of the cures I found were anecdotal, so I sort of did my best to find something that would help our girl. As for the actual birthing process, I shifted the timeline a bit to make it fit the story better, and also you wouldn't typically call a vet for a cow birth, but you know. I needed to get Liam there somehow.  
> \--  
> Fun dairy farming fact, baby cows aren't born with any antibodies! If they don't get milk from their moms, they have no way to fight infections!  
> \--  
> The title is stolen from a Badger Clark poem, because cowboy poetry is the best poetry, and you can find it [here](https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-long-way-2/) .  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	2. Chapter 2

Liam leaves before breakfast the next morning with a promise to be back to check in that night, and they fall into a routine together, finding ways to add Annie to their already busy schedules. Liam sleeps at the farm the first few nights, studying next to her and sleeping in the barn despite Spencer's protests, while Spencer takes massage shifts during the day, helping her out to the calf pen so she can be around other cows and make friends who encourage her to stand up and play. Liam is there the night she gets up to run for the first time, and they celebrate like first time parents, showering her with cuddles and treats for the rest of the night. Even she seems proud of herself, standing up again to head butt them and follow them around until Liam collapses into the hay, and she settles down half on top of him, right at a place where he can rub her face the way she likes. It makes them both laugh, and Liam relents, giving her all the cuddles she could ever want. She's doing better than he ever would have guessed, and he attributes that to Spencer's hard work. He tells him that from under Annie's face, how he knows a lot of farmers might have given up on her but now she's doing better than ever. Spencer just joins him in the hay, plucking a particularly big piece of straw out of his hair before giving Annie some love. He knows, the way he knows the sky is blue and the grass is green, that it's because of Liam, too.

With how well she's doing, Liam stops spending the night. He still comes by after work, all easy smiles and gentle hands as he becomes more comfortable with the farm, greeting other cows as easily as he greets Annie. Still, as comfortable and happy as he seems on the farm, he has a whole life outside of it. Before too long, he stops visiting every night, resorting to video calls as he leaves work for the day. So Spencer gets to see Liam's office space at work, gets to see the outside of the building and every now and then a dog who's had to stay overnight, but he stops getting to see Liam as often. 

At first, he doesn't realize what's wrong. He just realizes he's lonely at night sometimes, just him and the cattle and the rest of the ranch, even though he's been alone there with them for a few years and it's never been a real issue. Then he realizes how much he's gotten used to something different. He's gotten used to helping Liam study at night, or learning about cow diseases and hoof treatments over dinner leftovers. He's used to talking about cattle dipping techniques and how often he should do it while they massage Annie's legs, or asking about Liam's day at work while they muck out a box Spencer hadn't gotten to. The first few nights, he even sets aside an extra serving of whatever he's made for dinner before he realizes that Liam isn't coming. It hasn't been that long, but he's become an automatic part of Spencer's life, and missing him is harder than Spencer would have guessed.

They do plan for him to come out again, though. He wants to check on Annie and maybe get some more measurements to document her treatment, and he offers to bring dinner with him. Spencer is probably more excited than he should be. He plans on meeting Liam in the barn, so he brings some work out to the box where they've got Annie on her own at night, and she greets him with a soft moo and a treasure hunt for the treats hidden in his pocket. When she finds what she's looking for, she puts her whole face in the pocket of his jacket to get at the stale bread, making Spencer laugh.

"You're a spoiled baby, you know that? Spoiled rotten," he tells her, scratching her forehead as he sits down in the hay. She lies down next to him, her knees apparently working fine, and cuddles up as if it's the most natural thing in the world for her to do. Spencer grins, then yawns. It's warm in the box, and even if he doesn't want to admit it, he's tired. He's been fighting a headache all day, and he does have some work to do, but staring at a computer screen won't help it. Surely it won't hurt to close his eyes, just for a bit.

\--

Liam's running late, and he hates it. He'd gotten stuck late at his last call, which meant he'd been picking up dinner in the middle of the rush, so that kept him even later. It's starting to get dark by the time he pulls up to the barn and texts Spencer he's there, and he's already brainstorming apologies. He goes to check on Annie, and he finds her asleep, draped across Spencer's lap. Spencer is draped across her, his head on her back, snoring softly.

He looks young, somehow. Liam knew he was young, but this Spencer, the one who falls asleep in barns with a laptop open next to him, looks younger than he usually does. He certainly looks too young to be running a farm like this by himself. He looks softer, too, less focused on being taken seriously. that probably goes along with looking young; he seems more approachable. He looks more like the Spencer Liam's been getting to know these past few weeks, the Spencer who talks to his cows and takes the time to massage their legs and cuddle them when they're lonely. He looks like the Spencer who'd be sleeping in the barn every night, looking after Annie, if Liam wasn't.

Still, he's always saying that no one should sleep in the barn. There's a perfectly good farmhouse he won't stop trying to get Liam to stay in, after all. So Liam rolls his eyes and goes into the box, moving the laptop to a safer place and rubbing Annie's forehead as he begins the careful process of getting Spencer out of their little cuddle puddle. He manages to do so without waking either of them, which is a feat in itself, then slips an arm under Spencer's knees and the other under his shoulders, gently tipping his head forward so it flops against Liam's shoulder instead of hanging down. Spencer curls into his chest like it's the most natural place for him to be, and Liam can't help the smile that spreads across his face.

"You're cute," he tells Spencer, softly enough that he won't risk waking him. He's smaller than he seems, especially curled up like this. When he's awake, he seems to stretch across the whole ranch, looking after everything and knowing exactly how it all fits together. But asleep like this, he fits well in Liam's arms, snuggling up to Liam's chest like he'd been snuggling Annie. Somewhere, the fact that Spencer is a cuddler infiltrates Liam's psyche. It's not a fact he needs to know, but it burrows into his brain and carves out a little Spencer-sized space for itself between what he knows about crooked calf and Liam's sister's birthday.

Getting through the doors with Spencer in his arms is a bit of a challenge, but when Spencer starts to wake a bit, Liam shushes him, and he just curls in closer. They make their way to what must be the master bedroom, as it's the only one that really seems lived in, and Liam tucks him into the bed gently. Spencer rolls over and curls around a pillow, and Liam smiles, trusting that he'll be alright. He tries his best not to snoop, but on his way out of the room, a rainbow in a picture frame catches his eye. It's a picture of Spencer at what must be a pride parade, rainbows painted on both his cheeks beside a girl with bi pride hearts on hers. There's another girl with them, also decked out in rainbows and kissing the middle girl's cheek.

So Spencer's gay. Huh.

Liam lets himself think on that as he goes to bring the laptop in from the barn and dinner in from his car, putting one bean burger in the fridge for Spencer later. The Spencer in the picture looked so happy. He'd been younger, though not by much, and he doesn't seem nearly as worn as the Spencer Liam knows. He was more like the Spencer who'd fall asleep cuddling a calf, though the version of Spencer in the photo didn't seem like he'd ever be tired enough to fall asleep in a box on accident. Still. Liam eats his burger leaning against the counter, waiting for coffee to brew, and wondering how Spencer went from the carefree boy in that picture to the overworked man he is today.

Absently, he pulls out his phone and looks for Spencer's name on Facebook. His is the fourth profile down, and it clearly hasn't been updated in years. There are some pictures of him from what look like early in college, and he's laughing. He looks at least ten years younger in a picture taken five years ago. Still, aside from pictures that make his heart hurt a bit, there's nothing about what might have made him change so fast. But there is an Instagram linked to the profile, and it's been updated more recently. So Liam scrolls absently past pictures of barns and sunsets and cows before he finds one of a man in a hospital bed. He's smiling and offering the camera a thumbs up, but the caption is asking for prayers or good vibes as Spencer's dad, presumably the man in the picture, heals.

Below that, the page looks different. There are more pictures of Spencer, some with animals and some with friends, but he's smiling in all of them. It's a smile Liam's pretty sure he's never seen on the real Spencer's face.

There are footsteps on the stairs, and Liam looks up with a start as Spencer appears a moment later. Liam shoves his phone into his pocket, feeling weirdly guilty.

"Liam? Sorry, I... I wanted to meet you in the barn," Spencer says. He's still rubbing at his eyes a bit, and he yawns massively, the sleepiness still overpowering some of his usual fierce independence.

"It's alright. I brought bean burgers. I put yours in the fridge a few minutes ago; it might still be warm. If not, we can heat it up no problem. I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's fine. Thank you for dinner. Did you look at Annie yet?" Spencer asks, finding his burger. He yawns, then sneezes twice. The fact that he has a cute sneeze nestles into Liam's memory, too, right next to the fact that he's a cuddler. Liam shakes his head, both in answer to Spencer's question and to make himself focus on what matters.

"I wanted to eat first; I'm starving. I'll go out and take a look at her in a bit."

Spencer nods, poking his own burger a couple times before apparently deciding it’s still warm enough and taking a bite. “Thank you for bringing dinner. And did… did you bring me inside?”

"Yeah, uh, I did. You're always talking about how it doesn't make sense to sleep out in a box when there's a perfectly good farmhouse right here. I thought I'd make sure you slept well, since you're tired enough to fall asleep out there."

"Thanks." Spencer looks flushed, and for a moment, Liam assumes he's embarrassed. Then he rubs his forehead with another yawn, steadying himself on the kitchen counter. Liam frowns.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Bit of a headache I haven't been able to shake, but it's nothing." He's definitely a bit flushed, and the headache and tiredness together with the sneezes aren't good signs.

"Come here?" Liam asks, and Spencer rolls his eyes, but he comes over anyway. Liam rests the back of his hand on Spencer's forehead, earning him another eye roll, but not one that's warranted. "Dude, you're burning up."

"I'm fine. Just..." he trails off, reaching for Liam's shoulder with one hand and his own head with the other. Liam reaches out to steady him automatically.

"Spence?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine; just... got a little dizzy for a second there. It's nothing."

"Nope, that's not gonna fly. Let's get you upstairs, and I'll see what we can do for you." Spencer starts to protest, but Liam just shakes his head, physically turning Spencer around. "No, you don't get to argue with me; listen to the doctor. You can bring your burger, but we're getting you to bed."

"You're not a people doctor," Spencer mumbles, but he gets his dinner and lets Liam take him upstairs with minimal complaining. 

"I'm close enough. Do you have a thermometer anywhere? You... probably don't want to use mine."

"There's a first aid kit under the sink in the bathroom I think; it should be in there." Spencer's already looking better cozied up in bed, but the bags under his eyes are just as deep, and Liam doesn't like the look of them one bit.

"Okay. How long have you felt like this?" he asks, going into the bathroom. He just catches Spencer's shrug.

"I... woke up with the headache, and I've been tired for the past few days. I don't think it's anything." He finishes the sentence with another massive yawn, and it’s Liam’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Okay. Well, we'll see, and if it is something, we’re going to get you better, don’t worry.” He finds the thermometer, then opens Spencer's medicine cabinet. It's all but empty. There's a dusty, empty box of what used to be painkillers and half a bottle of Tylenol, which expired two months ago. Liam starts a mental shopping list of things Spencer needs, but for now, he takes the thermometer back into the bedroom to find Spencer asleep, half-eaten burger abandoned on the end table beside him. Liam just smiles a bit, slipping the thermometer into his mouth and holding it in place until it beeps.

101.

He sighs, then goes to get ibuprofen from his car. He checks on Annie while he's outside, massaging her legs a bit and waking her up so they can take a few laps around the barn and he can see how she's walking. She's not exactly moving quickly, but he’ll chalk that up to her having just woken up, and once he gets treats in the mix she’s a bit more willing to follow him. They take a few laps, and she seems to be walking great. Spencer's said she's been playing with some of the other calves during the day, which is a great sign, so Liam leaves her to sleep relatively soon, stopping by his car for ibuprofen and his backpack before heading back into the farmhouse, pouring himself a coffee, and going back up to Spencer's room. Spencer's still asleep, so Liam leaves the meds with a note about how many to take if he wakes up, plus a glass of water. He plugs Spencer's phone into the charger, then takes the burger downstairs and puts it into the refrigerator for the second time that night. He can't find saltines or Seven-Up anywhere, so he adds them to the list of things he needs to buy and brings Ritz crackers upstairs instead in case Spencer wakes up hungry.

Once everything's set up for Spencer to look after himself if he wakes up, Liam settles in the hallway outside his room. He'll go out to the barn or his car to sleep, so Spencer can have his privacy, but he does still have the NAVLE to study for, and this way, he'll be nearby if Spencer wakes up and needs anything. He's tired, but he's got coffee, and between that and his overwhelming fear of not passing this test, thereby wasting the last four years of his life, plunging himself into debt for nothing, and setting himself on a downward trajectory for the rest of his measly existence, he's sure he can get in at least a few hours of studying. So he rubs his eyes, slaps his face, connects to Spencer's wifi, and pulls up a practice test.

The next thing he knows, he's waking up to the sound of someone throwing up. It takes a minute for him to remember where he is and what he's doing in Spencer’s hallway of all places, but once he does, he’s on his feet, shoving notes aside to go into the master bedroom. There's a light on in the master bath, and Liam knocks gently on the door as he goes in, more to let Spencer know he's there than anything. When Spencer looks up, he looks awful. His face is pale, the sheen of sweat apparent and the bags under his eyes more pronounced than ever. Then he turns back to the toilet and throws up again, and Liam grabs the water from the end table and crouches beside Spencer, rubbing his back gently. Spencer spares him a ghost of a smile, then he's back to leaning over the toilet, though it's mostly dry heaving at this point. He sits back a moment later, taking the cup from Liam with a grateful smile, swishing water around his mouth to get the taste out before he says, "Sorry. I didn't... I didn't realize you were still here. Or, well, I guess... close enough to be bothered. Thank you."

"Of course. I think I sort of accidentally fell asleep in the hallway outside, but I'm glad I was close. Being sick on your own sucks."

Spencer nods. He looks exhausted, and when Liam rests a hand on his forehead again, he's not sure anything has changed. He helps Spencer up, and Spencer wobbles a bit, and that's the final straw.

"Hey, why don't I take care of the chores tomorrow morning? I've seen you do them enough times; I think I know the list. Milking, feeding, all that good stuff, right? That way you can sleep in. And I can... I don't think I can afford to take the whole day off tomorrow, but I could take a half day and come back to make soup to keep you company?"

"I... I appreciate it, and the morning chores would be nice, but my parents live nearby and they can get the afternoon ones; you shouldn't have to take off work for me."

"Oh. Yeah, that... that makes more sense. I'll do the chores in the morning, but you call them when you wake up and you'll be good. I'll check on Annie in the morning and see if she needs me at night, and if not, your parents can just take care of things." Liam's glad they're back in the darkness of Spencer's bedroom by now, because this would be a different conversation if Spencer could see how red his face is. Of course Spencer has parents nearby; Liam knew that. He’d talked about them, and how much they miss the farm, so of course they’ll want to help him. Of course he has other people who can help him; of course he doesn’t need Liam. The only reason he's helpful now is because he was here. He gets Spencer in bed, but before he can turn away, Spencer grabs his arm.

"If... if you want to come by after work, I probably won't be much fun to be around, but I wouldn't say no to soup. We could maybe watch a movie or something, if you don't think I'm too contagious." And now the darkness of the room is working against Liam, because he could swear there's something happening on Spencer's face, but he can't for the life of him figure out what it is. He turns to the end table to get Spencer some ibuprofen and buy himself time to figure out exactly how to react to that.

Eventually, he says, "I'd like that. I could hang around and do the chores that morning, too, if you need me to."

"You're a blessing; anyone ever tell you that?" Spencer yawns, handing back the cup of water and rolling over in bed. "Goodnight."

Liam laughs a bit around the sudden lump in his throat, wishes Spencer a good night, and makes his escape. 

A blessing.

He swallows hard. Even if it's just for something he can do for Spencer, even if it's something anyone would do to help someone who needed it. Even if it's just because he's in the right place at the right time, to be called a blessing. 

Nothing about him has ever felt like a blessing in the slightest. He and his family were curses on each other, and as much as his friends insist he’s not, he’s always felt like a burden on them. He’s a decent student and a good employee, but that’s what he does, not who he is. Who he is has always been a good friend, but a temporary one. A friend who gets left behind, remembered when you look through a yearbook or old photos and casually wonder what happened to them. A friend for losing touch with, ultimately, and a child meant for not talking to, and a classmate good for a study session or a set of notes but not for hanging out with after class.

But a blessing. 

He goes back to studying until he falls asleep against the wall, hone alarm set to get him up bright and early enough for chores before work. But that little word, that 'blessing', bounces around his head like a '90s screensaver all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sickfic? In my slowburn? It's more likely than you'd think.  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Spencer wakes up to a note telling him that the cows have been fed, milked, loved, and let out to pasture, and that Liam had cleaned the milking parlor as well as he could before he had to leave, but that someone else should probably look it over and make sure he did it well enough. It also tells him that he has a temperature and is supposed to stay in bed and ask his parents to come look after him and supervise things today, and it promises that Liam will come by that night with soup, medicine, and popcorn if Spencer's feeling up to it. He texts Liam his thanks, and Liam responds with a picture of a dog he's looking after and a reminder to stay in bed and let himself be taken care of. It's not something Spencer's particularly good at, but he obeys Liam's orders, letting his parents come out to run the farm for the day while he naps and does some work from bed. 

That night, Liam arrives with a container of frozen soup and a bag full of painkillers, Tylenol, and other medicine cabinet staples. He makes Spencer sit and watch while he heats up soup on the stove, putting another container in the freezer before Spencer can argue. He refuses to listen when Spencer says he can restock his own medicine cabinet, or when Spencer tries to tell him to study for the NAVLE while he stirs the soup. At this point, it's only a week or two away, and Spencer's seen the test prep books and the notes scattered around the back of video calls and in his car. He's gotten glimpses of how hard Liam's working, but tonight, Liam refuses to study, instead getting Spencer settled on the couch, then coming over with bowls of soup and settling on the opposite end, which is apparently enough space between them that he doesn't have to worry about getting sick. He insists Spencer pick a movie for them to watch, something lighthearted that he's seen before, and when it turns out Liam's never seen _Treasure Planet_ , Spencer pulls that up for them to watch with their soup. Even as he finishes dinner and feels the tiredness of being sick start to set in, he keeps his eyes open, fighting against yawns and drooping eyelids to watch Liam react to Jim's adventures. 

Spencer's exhaustion is just starting to win against his desire to watch Liam finish the movie when he notices what might be tears on Liam's cheeks. That wakes him up enough to turn back to the TV, and he sees Jim and Long John Silver talking. He forces himself awake enough to pay attention, and it's a moment he always loved as a kid. He can quote it word for word, and for years, he had a poster that said "you've got the makings of greatness in you" on his wall. It's the first time in the movie when Jim's felt good at what he does, and maybe the first time in years he's been told he's not just a mess, and Spencer remembers always being happy to see him get a hug. His parents used to hug him at this point, and tell him they loved him. And suddenly, a question about Liam's parents surfaces from the depths of his sleepy mind. 

He's not awake enough to formulate it, or to read Liam's expression enough to know if he can ask. He's not sure if he's healthy enough to be allowed to do anything about Liam's tears. But just sitting there feels wrong, too. Slowly, he reaches his foot across the couch to rest it on Liam's. Liam doesn't react, but he doesn't move away, either. Spencer falls asleep with his foot on Liam's, trying to think of a reason for him to cry or a way to ask about it.

\--

Liam had meant to turn the movie off and study when Spencer fell asleep, but somehow, he can't stop watching. Knowing it was one of Spencer's favorite movies from when he was a kid probably doesn't hurt; he can tell himself he's just watching to get to know Spencer better. It's definitely not because he wants to watch Jim achieve his dreams, or to know that he gets to have a home and a family and people who love him even if he's messed up time and time again.

He watches through the end of the movie, and only when the credits are rolling is he able to tear himself away enough to turn it off and gather their dishes. He comes back to the couch to take Spencer to bed but instead finds him just starting to blink awake, pushing himself upright.

"Sorry, I... I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"No, it's alright. You fell right into the trap. The movie was part of my master plan to make you fall asleep early," Liam says, and Spencer smiles though a yawn.

"Did you like it?"

"I did. Now, come on, let's get you to bed."

"What time is it?"

"Bedtime, at least for people with fevers. If you sleep like you have been, you're going to take longer to get better."

"But I wanted to quiz you," Spencer says. His voice is still thick with sleep, and he yawns massively before he can continue, rubbing at his eyes. His hair sticks up in the back, and somewhere, even if he knows he shouldn't, Liam finds it adorable. "I don't want to get you sick, but you can send me your quizlet or your study guide or something and I can quiz you from my laptop. I... if you're going to help me, I want to help you study, and I'm not getting off this couch until you let me."

"Nope, come _on_ ," Liam says. He's started trying to pull Spencer up, but Spencer refuses to budge, grabbing on to the back of the couch. 

"No! Let me--" he's cut off by a cough, one that has Liam frowning and resting a hand on his forehead. 

"If I let you quiz me once, you'll go to bed after?" He asks, and Spencer nods. Liam seems to weigh his options for a moment, then sighs. "Alright. I'll go get my stuff, and if you're awake when I get back from the car, you can quiz me before you go to bed. I don't know what kind of weird deal we just made, but if it'll get you to look after yourself, I'll do it."

"You fell... right into my trap. My master plan to make you study," Spencer says, yawning in the middle of it. Liam rolls his eyes and goes to get his stuff, and he comes back to find Spencer clearly fighting to stay awake. He hands Spencer half his flashcards over the back of the couch, slipping the rest into his bag as he comes to sit down. Spencer doesn't notice, just starts to quiz him, stumbling over the Latin and yawning his way through the longer words. Liam just gets through the flashcards as quickly as they can, then gets Spencer up and to bed before settling down outside his room to keep studying until he's too tired to focus, when he gets up, checks on Spencer one last time, and heads out to the barn to sleep in the hay and sawdust with Annie. 

He gets the morning chores taken care of the next day before going home to shower and change, and he texts Spencer that he's looked after things. He's at work when he gets a reply, that Spencer's feeling better but still has a fever, so he's resting again that day if Liam wants to come by and share the rest of the soup. So they fall into another pattern and another set of roles in each other's lives, though Liam's soup is replaced with Spencer's mom's cooking before long. They work their way through Spencer's favorite childhood movies, and Liam studies to a soundtrack of _Robin Hood_ and _Aladdin_ and _The Fox and the Hound_ as Spencer's fever goes down and he falls asleep on the couch. When he's feeling well enough to go back to work, Liam thinks that'll be the end of it. After all, he's helped with what Spencer needs, and now that Spencer doesn't need him anymore, he won't be invited back. But that day at lunch, he gets a text inviting him over for dinner and either a night off or a study session, whichever he wants. 

The thought of dedicating a Friday night to the NAVLE when it will already be consuming his weekend makes him want to scream, so he takes Spencer up on the option of a night off, and Spencer asks if he knows how to ride a horse. When Liam pulls up to the ranch that night, he finds Spencer standing outside a barn with two of the horses saddled up and a picnic packed in the saddle bags. They mount up, and Spencer leads the way out toward the pastures, where they can greet the cows and the newest addition to the ranch, a donkey Spencer's neighbors hadn't been able to look after anymore who he's agreed to take care of and let their grandkids visit. The animals are glad to see them, especially Spencer after he's been gone, but there's something special about the fact that they recognize Liam, too. Once they've loved them, though, Spencer leads them further back into the ranch, to land Liam's never seen that they rent out for boy scout camping and other events in the summer and fall. There's a stream and a fish pond, and when Spencer stops them on its banks and pulls out some of his mom's food, they're surrounded by all the gorgeous beauty of the open country that Liam's missed since his family moved into Austin proper. 

Spencer asks him about work, and Liam gets to tell him about dogs and cats and a pigeon that someone had brought in for them to help out. He'd asked to be put on the pigeon case, and they'd had to amputate a toe, but Frank the pigeon is out and thriving on the streets of Austin once again. That makes Spencer laugh, a sound that warms Liam from the inside out, making him relax as the NAVLE drifts further and further from his mind. They finish eating as Spencer starts talking about what they do out here, about weddings and camps they've hosted and how he likes to have at least one day a year where they open it up for hiking and catch and release fishing. He shows Liam where groups will set up tents, and talks about how they've thought about horseback tours if they get more horses, or maybe planting corn or pumpkins for fall, though they've never quite gotten around to doing that early enough. Liam just listens to him talk as they ride, hearing not only the words but the way that Spencer's brain works, the way he bubbles over with ways to make people happy and provide for the farm. He talks about the farmer's market every summer, about loyal customers, a girl who always comes to buy cheese curds with a tote bag that has a cow on it and a mom who's been buying milk from him since she was pregnant and now has a three year old. He talks about the woman who he's had a stall next to for two years, an alpaca farmer who sells fiber and will talk your ear off about spinning or felting and is always liberal with help for people new to the craft. She's got pictures of the alpacas for sale, and Spencer wants to see about doing that with the cows, and that's when Liam can add something useful.

"The shelter I used to work for has a local photographer who comes in and takes pictures for their website; I could get you connected with him for at least a few pointers if nothing else. He volunteered at the shelter to build his portfolio, so I'm not sure what his rates are for pictures, or the commercial licenses or anything like that, but he could be a good place to start. "

"That would be great; thank you. I... I feel like I have so many ideas for this place, though, and it's just finding the time to implement them, you know? Especially since Mom and Dad moved into town, it's... there's just not enough time in the day for everything we wanted to do."

"Well, hey, you can feel free to tell me no, but after this test, I’ll have some time and would love to come out and help if you need it. I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but just some manual labor and some basic animal care at least.”

"I'd like that," Spencer says, and his grin is genuine enough to sway any of Liam's fears that he's just doing it to be nice. "I don't know what we could pay you--"

"Pay me in outside time and home cooked meals and I'll be happy. I love places like this, and I really do love farm work. Let me be around the cows and the open land, and really, that's all I need. Well, that and maybe..." he hesitates a bit, but Spencer nods, and Liam says, "if you wouldn't mind having a puppy or a lamb or something out here sometimes? Just for a bit? I… we get orphans at work sometimes, and they always need more places to go. I wouldn’t want to make you do anything, but I could look after them, I just… I can’t have them in my apartment. My landlord won’t let me, and that’s not fair to them, either. I’m not asking you to become a sanctuary or anything, I know you’re a dairy farm, but maybe a rescue petting zoo could help at the farmer’s market or when you have schools come out to visit or something? And then we could take the babies somewhere else when they’re older, but just… they need more care when they’re babies, and a lot of places can’t do that.”

"I think we could make that work," Spencer says. He's got a hand resting on the pommel of his saddle, another scratching at the back of his neck, where he's somehow managed to get a mosquito bite despite being on bed rest all week. He'd complained about it at dinner, and Liam had to bite back a comment about how it might be because he’s so sweet. He can’t say things like that to Spencer, not like he would to Bell or some of his friends. “We could see about getting some calves in a petting zoo, too, and maybe Benjamin the donkey, since he doesn't really have a place to go right now. I don’t really know… you said you tend to get mostly babies?”

“Yeah; there are always orphan lambs and kids-- the goats, not like human children. Goats and sheep tend to have a bunch of babies at a time, so the moms can’t always look after all of them. And they’re not too hard to take care of, and really cute, so they could help draw people in the spring or for letting out day if you put up a petting zoo. And we get kittens; once I get somewhere that’ll let me I could foster them but bring them out if you have people coming, so they could play with and maybe even adopt them. I don’t want to make you look after my orphans or anything, and I swear I’d do the work, but just… there are so many babies who need a place like this, and if I could work and earn a little bit of space to raise them, I’d really appreciate it.”

“I think we could make some room,” Spencer says, grinning. “And it would be nice to have a vet around. I mean, it’s always nice having you around, but in case you didn’t feel like you’d be helpful. I… I'd really like having you out here more. When you weren’t coming out much, it was lonely.”

Liam grins at him, and they continue the tour, Spencer sharing about his plans for the farm and what he wants to do once he can get the funds and the time to do it. He’s one of the most dedicated farmers Liam’s ever seen, and there’s something beautiful about even just the way he moves around the farm. He’s relaxed out here, without the cows and the bills to stress him out, more like the Spencer who fell asleep in Annie's box or who posted selfies with friends on Instagram than the Spencer who's running a massive farm on his own. And all through the rest of the evening, there’s a little part of Liam thinking about spending more time out here, helping Spencer and showing it to Bell and really making it a part of his life. Bell will love it, if they get a chance she'd love coming out here with him and seeing the stream. He could take her swimming here, and even if he just planned on relaxing next to the pool she'd somehow get him into the water too, all playful kisses and enthusiastic love. Maybe Spencer would even come out, and laugh at how much Liam is at her beck and call, or maybe she'd be able to persuade him to get in the water, too, and the three of them would end up soaking wet and laughing.

It feels impossible. He's only here now because he's useful; Spencer will get sick of him before too long, and he’ll have to go back to spending most of his time at a crappy apartment in the city while he saves up for a spot he and Bell can call home. But still, at least for a bit, he gets to imagine that he could have a place here, and that feels special. Even as they finish their ride and he goes home to a pot of ramen and a late-night study session, his thoughts stray back outside Austin’s city limits, where he knows the cows are bedding down and the land behind the farm stretches for miles. When he finally drags himself to bed, he has just enough time to think about a little pen on that farm for animals he can foster, and ways Bell could help him, before he closes his eyes and is out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that moment in _Pride and Prejudice_ where Austen shows us/Elizabeth how much Darcy loves Pemberly as a way to show that he's a good dude? All I can say about this chapter is that the nature of humanity is that every now and then someone accidentally rewrites that scene.  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	4. Chapter 4

Liam spends next day at his own apartment for once, and it’s entirely dedicated to a study session. It's nice enough that he can open a window to alleviate some of the weed smell from his neighbors, and he's at the table he's using as a desk, surrounded by class notes and second-hand NAVLE practice books while he boils water for ramen. The test is a week away, so he’s spent the day holed up with his work, trying to force his brain to pay attention to studying with only half an Adderall, two cups of cheap coffee, and last night’s ramen as fuel.

It's not going particularly well.

He can’t do this. For some reason, the thing that his brain has decided to latch onto is that simple, solid fact that he can’t do it. He’s going to have wasted the past for years of his life, amassing loads of debt and loads of stress, all for nothing. Because he’s going to fail. He's going to fail this exam, and there’s no way he’ll be able to retake it, and he’s going to have lost everything and made a mess of his life. It’ll all have been a waste, because he can’t pass this exam, and—

His phone buzzes with a text, and as much as he would have cursed the distraction at another time, he finds a moment to bless the fact that his brain refuses to have any sort of attention span on its own.

It's Spencer. _How's studying? Need a cookie break?_

His cheeks are wet, and he realizes he's crying. He's not sure when that happened. His phone buzzes again.

_Made chocolate chip with my mom's recipe. I could bring them and just drop them off, or quiz you? Or leave you alone if you'd rather_

_Last text but my parents dropped off some early veggies from their garden and I can’t eat them all do you want some? Beans, peas…_

_Okay actual last text so I stop bothering you but you’re smart and you’re going to do great_

Liam swallows hard, then picks up the phone and calls Spencer. He tells himself it’s just because it’ll be faster than typing out a response, and he’ll be more likely to stay focused on it, but really, he just wants to hear another human. Spencer picks up on the second ring.

“Hey, how’s studying going?”

Liam’s brain empties completely at the sound of Spencer’s voice. He manages a sound somewhere between a groan and a sigh, and Spencer’s tone changes from his peppy greeting to something more comforting.

“I’ve got cookies and zucchini bread and more peas than I could eat in a lifetime. Where can I meet you? Your apartment?”

Liam looks around the apartment, already shaking his head. He can’t let Spencer see this. Spencer, with his perfect farmhouse and his perfect, beautiful ranch, can’t see the stacked boxes stuffed with clothes serving as a dresser or the mattress on the floor. He can’t see the empty kitchen drawers or the old t-shirt Liam uses as a dish towel, or the ramen on the stove, and he definitely can’t see the way everything in the apartment is still half-packed despite Liam having lived there for almost a year. He can't see the constant state of waiting to leave that Liam lives in.

“No. No, not… not here.”

“Okay. Hey, it’s okay. What about a… a park or something? It’s nice out, and getting outside in the fresh air and sun would probably be good for you. Is there a park by you where we could meet?”

“Yeah. You… do you know Quail Creek Park? By the YMCA?”

“I can look it up and meet you there. Do you want to keep talking for a bit?”

“Please?” He hates how pathetic he sounds, but Spencer doesn’t seem to care.

“Okay. We’ll keep talking while you get ready to come meet me. Annie says hi. She was out playing with some of the other calves today, I mean really playing with them; I took a video I’ll have to show you. You’ll be so proud of her. And my mamma says hi, too, and thanks you for taking care of morning chores…” he talks, and Liam puts him on speaker, then just closes his eyes and makes himself breathe for a bit before he has to get to turning off the stove and packing up his books. Somehow, with Spencer’s voice as his soundtrack, he feels like he can really breathe for the first time all day. Being out there every night while Spencer was sick spoiled him, is all; he misses the outdoors and the company. When he feels like he has some semblance of control over his emotional state, he moves to get ready, turning off the stove and filling his bag with books, then staring at the meds on the corner of the table he uses as a desk. There are three pills left, and he gets paid on Friday. He puts it in his bag, though he promises himself he won’t take one unless he really, really needs it.

Eventually, he can actually pick up the phone again and start listening to Spencer talk about his day. When he hits a bit of a break, Liam jumps in with, “I’m… I’m going to be honest, I haven’t really been listening to anything you said, but thank you. I… it was good to hear another voice; I’m on my way to the park now.”

“That’s alright; I’m glad I could help. I’ll meet you at the park. Want me to stay on?”

“No; I’m okay. Thank you. Really, thank you. This means a lot.”

“Of course. I’ll meet you at the park soon.” He lets Liam be the one to hang up, and Liam tries not to feel anything about that as he takes his bag and keys to the car. It’s a quick drive to the park, and when he gets there, Spencer’s truck is in the parking lot. He wonders how long Spencer’s been there and realizes he has no idea how long it took him to calm down, but he doesn’t have time to ask or dwell on that. As soon as he’s out of the car, Spencer’s there to give him a hug and lead him toward a picnic table, and Liam just follows him automatically.

“Alright. I brought dinner, since I’m not sure you’ve eaten, and then I’ve got a whole care package my parents put together to thank you, plus some stuff from me, also as a thank you for last week. What you did for us… it was huge. It… hey, no, it’s not a big deal. I mean, your help was, but these care packages aren’t anything big. It’s fine.”

“Sorry,” Liam mumbles, trying to get rid of the tears prickling at his eyes before Spencer can make a whole thing of it. “Sorry, it’s just been a day. A whole, long, frustrating day.”

“Want to tell me? You let me ramble about my day; I could return the favor.”

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I just… I was supposed to get a prescription filled, but shit happened, so I’ve been on a half dose to make it last and it’s a bitch.”

“What happened? Was it something with the pharmacy, or your doctor…”

“No, it’s… it’s there, I just… it’s expensive.” Liam’s whole face is red, and he can feel Spencer looking at him, but he can’t tear his eyes off the table in front of him.

“Let me get it. Or at least help? You stocked my whole medicine cabinet last week, let me--”

“No, I can’t ask you to do that. You brought me all this food, I--”

“You’re not asking me to do it. I’m asking. I want to help you out. You’ve been feeding me and doing my chores and filling my fridge basically all week, not to mention everything you did for Annie and wouldn’t let me pay you for. Let me do this. Please. It’s what Bell would want.” At the mention of Bell, Liam feels his shoulders slump as any resilience or fight drains out of him in a breath. Spencer’s right. Bell wouldn’t want him to deal with this, wouldn’t want him as worn out as he is. She’d make him take his meds, and she’d want him to be able to accept help. 

“It’s… it’s not even that much; I just… I’m in a tight spot with NAVLE fees and stuff. I’ll pay you back, I swear,” Liam says. He manages to look up, and Spencer’s smiling, not with the smile of someone who just won an argument, but with the smile of someone who wants to help.

“Is the pharmacy you go to nearby?”

“Yeah, it’s… we should be able to walk there. The H-E-B a few blocks away has one I go to.”

“Okay. Let’s get this stuff back in the cars, then we’ll go pick it up and come back for a picnic and either a study session or a break, whichever you need.”

“Thank you.” Liam’s still pretty sure his face is bright red, but Spencer hasn’t said anything about it.

“Of course. Come on; let’s get you your meds. Plus, you want to see that video of Annie with the other calves? We can watch it while we wait for them to get things together. It’s not that long, but you know. It’s something to do, and to look forward to.”

“Thank you.” He’s not sure what else to say as Spencer moves two surprisingly full care packages into his little, beat-up car. His brain focuses on them for just long enough to remind him that these might be the first care packages he’s ever gotten before it slips back into its half-focused self-pity as Liam leads the way to the pharmacy. Spencer follows him, and they’re quiet for a block.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Spencer says at the light. “Medicine’s expensive, and you’ve been busy helping me, not to mention all the work you’ve been doing with Annie and for the NAVLE. And I... I wish you hadn’t had to go a day without them, but I’m glad I get a chance to help you back.”

Liam can’t find any words in his muddled brain, but he can tell his face is red. He hates everything about this. He hates that he needs help, and that he can’t even pay for his own meds, but he can’t study for a job that will pay for meds until he gets them. He hates that his brain needs help to do something as simple as paying attention, and he hates that he’s going to fail the NAVLE and have wasted everything, and he’s never going to be able to help or pay Spencer back. They don’t even know each other, not really; he’d just showed up at Spencer’s house for a cow birth and now Spencer has to help him. And he hates it. He hates being broke, and he hates needing help, and he hates that he’s going to be broke and helpless forever.

“Liam? What… what is it? Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer’s voice is so gentle it shocks him. The next thing he processes is the wetness on his cheeks, and that he’s crying. Of course the one thing his brain would decide is worth focusing on today is something that will make him cry on the sidewalk.

“I’m going to fail,” he mumbles, and Spencer wraps him in a hug. Liam can feel Spencer shaking his head, and he tries to fight it, but he’s crying in the middle of the sidewalk, being held by a man he barely knows. “I’m going to fail, and I’ll never be able to retake it; I’ll never be good enough to get what I want. I’m… I’m going to be a broke, helpless failure forever, and if this embarrassment doesn’t kill me, student loan debt will.”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. You’re not going to fail, but even if you do, that doesn’t make you a failure,” Spencer tells him, rubbing his back. “You are so much more than however this test turns out.”

“I… I am going to. To fail, I mean. More than 20% of people who took it last year failed; that’s one in five, and you know they all had the right prep books and could pay for things like practice tests and multiple takes. I don’t have any of that. I’m… I’m going to fail.”

“Well, if over twenty percent failed, then that means eighty percent of people got it. Don’t check my math on that; I’m a can’t-do-math gay.” That gets a bit of a chuckle out of Liam, and Spencer goes back to the voice he uses to soothe the cows when it rains too hard. “You’re going to do well. You’ve done great on all the practice tests we’ve done, and you’ve worked so hard. And if you don’t pass it, you’ll come work on the farm with me. We’ll get you an unofficial vet job until you can retake it or figure something out.”

“I… I can’t afford to retake it, but maybe… when I fail, I’d… I’d like that. I’m sorry. I’ll be better once I’m not in withdrawal, but knowing why I’m feeling all… ugh doesn’t help me feel less ugh.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. There’s no shame in feeling ugh; I felt ugh all last week.”

“Yeah, but that’s not your fault. If I had my shit more together--”

“This isn’t your fault, either. You’ve been taking care of me, now let me take care of you. It shouldn’t have to be reciprocal, but if you want to think of it that way for now, we will.” Spencer’s got them walking again, his arm around Liam’s shoulders. It’s nice. “You’re not supposed to have to do everything on your own, you know. I don’t know how you’ve made it this far without family nearby; I’d be lost without my parents and our neighbors. They’re… I guess Cat and Addy aren’t technically family, but they basically are. They taught me how to ride a horse and do barrels, and Cat used to get me into every mutton bustin’ event she could.”

“Did you have a little cowboy hat and everything?” Liam asks, half because he wants to know and half because he definitely does not want to talk about parents.

“Of course. I think we might still have it at the house; Addy got it for me before my first barrel riding event. Mom wants me to pass it down to another kid. She was thinking mine, but then I came out, and she told me I’d just have to find a kid to love like Addy and Cat loved me.”

“That’s… that’s really sweet of her. And them, too, but… that’s really, really cool of your mom.”

Spencer nods, smiling as he holds open the door to the H-E-B. As they step inside, Liam’s good mood evaporates. He swallows hard, then says, “you still don’t have to do this. I’ll be fine.”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. It’s what Annie and Bell would want for you, and... and it's what I want, too. I want you to be okay.” 

Liam doesn’t say anything, just goes to the pharmacy and gives them his name and prescription. Spencer pulls up the video of Annie playing, and Liam tries to watch it, he does, but his brain can’t focus and his mind is decidedly somewhere else. He’s not sure where it is, but whatever bog it’s found to wallow in, it’s not leaving any time soon.

The pharmacy calls his name, and he goes up with coupons on his phone screen, trying to figure out how he can afford it without Spencer’s help. The total comes to $24.89. He has exactly $26.27 in his bank account, but his car is almost out of gas, and he needs it to get to work, and he won’t be paid until Friday. He wants to scream. Instead, he just tells the woman they’ll pay at the check out, thanks her, and turns to see Spencer standing behind him, far enough away that he’s not eavesdropping. 

“Anything else you need? I promise I’ll pay you back for these, I swear. I get paid on Friday. Or I… I’ll put gas in my car and then--”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You did my chores all week; call it payment for that.” Spencer glances at the price, then adds, “that’s still criminally underpaying you for the work you’ve done for me this week. I’ve got a few things I could grab; is there anything you need? Anything Bell would want you to have?”

“I… I guess maybe fruit? Maybe some apples, because she likes them. We always used to share them growing up.”

“Alright, we’ll get a bag of apples. Anything else you need? There’s some milk and butter in a cooler I’m supposed to send you home with from the farm, so you don't need those.”

“That’s it; just the apples. Thank you.”

“Of course. You wouldn’t be in a tight spot if you hadn’t helped me. Plus, I mean, vet school and your residency and this test and everything is intense. I see how hard you’re working, and you still gave up what time you had to look after me and the farm… it means a lot. Really; I appreciate it. I appreciate you.”

“You’re going to make me cry again, jerk,” Liam mumbles. Spencer squeezes his arm a bit, offering him a little smile.

“I’m serious. You’re the most hardworking, dedicated guy I know. But you… you’re tired. You need a break. So, what we’re going to do, is we’re going to get you some apples and some nice coffee because I know the coffee you buy yourself tastes like dirt, and then we’re going to go back to the cars, and you’re going to have a good cry. No, you don’t get to argue. We’ll at least go sit in a car, so it’ll be sort of private, and you’re going to talk about everything you need to get off your chest.”

Liam hesitates for a second, giving him a chance to back out, but Spencer is clearly not willing to debate this, so Liam just nods.

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Spencer’s smiling, and Liam offers him something close to a smile as they go back to shopping, and they’re walking back to the park with grocery bags in hand before Liam knows it. Spencer talks off and on, and Liam tries his best, but his brain is somehow on everything and nothing. It’s all he can do to put one foot in front of the other as his brain focuses on birds and trees and a cool mushroom while his mind and soul and all his messy gut emotions tumble down a widening gyre of shame and exhaustion and failure. He doesn’t even notice when they reach the park; Spencer has to pull him toward the truck. Once they’re safely inside, Spencer grabs a water bottle from the back and asks, “Can… is it safe for you to take a full dose of your meds now? I know timing matters on stuff like this, but if you can feel better sooner…”

It takes Liam a minute to process, but he looks at the clock on the dash and nods. “I… I have the old bottle; I should finish that.”

“Okay. Where’s the old bottle? Is it in your bag?” Liam nods, turning to dig through his bag and find the little orange bottle. The three little pills left rattle around, and the part of his brain that’s been focused on rationing screams at him to wait, tells him that he can go a bit longer without meds. He ignores it, taking a pill and washing it down with the water bottle Spencer hands him. Then, gently, Spencer says, “do you want to talk about what’s going on?”

“I… I just…” he’s going to find some nice way to say it, some polished and emotionless and clean wording, but Spencer looks so earnest, so genuinely concerned in a way no one has been for ages, that Liam can’t help himself. “It’s all so fucking much, and I’m going to fail, and it’ll all have been a waste. All of this, this… the studying, and the school, and the money, and the years of my life, it’ll all have been a waste because I’m too stupid to pass a fucking test. And when I fail I’ll lose my job, and I can’t afford to retake the test because I’m not a fucking… trust fund kid or anything like that, and the stupid test costs $700, and then all my friends who took it last fall and passed will be fine and successful and doing great things and I’ll be all alone again, and I’ll never get to help people or live with Bell or do any of the things I want to do, and it’ll all be my fault for failing.” He started crying at some point, big, hot, angry sobs, and he should probably be embarrassed about them, but he’s not. “I just wanted to help people and their animals. That’s all I ever wanted, ever since I was a kid, and now I can’t. Because my stupid brain doesn’t work, and… and I can’t afford to make it work, and I can’t even look after myself when I’m alone, so how in the fuck am I supposed to help Bell or other people or animals or… or help anyone when I can’t stop being a disaster. I can’t… I just…” He doesn't have the words for the past eight years, the overwhelming pile of exhaustion and disaster that has been slowly draining him. He’s exhausted, and he’s scared, and he’s never felt like more of a disappointment. He just sort of gestures helplessly at himself, hoping Spencer can understand something from his breakdown.

Between sobs, he hears Spencer ask, “can I hug you? Is that okay?”

He nods, and Spencer does hug him, somehow navigating the awkward space enough to wrap his arms around Liam and hold him together as he finally stops trying to explain things and just lets himself fall apart. Liam clings to him, his hands filling themselves with Spencer’s shirt as his face finds its way to Spencer’s shoulder. Just for now, for this one moment in a life of people moving on, he needs someone to stay.

“I’ve got you,” Spencer promises softly, rubbing his back. “I’ve got you.” 

Liam’s not sure how long it’s been when he breaks through Spencer’s reassuring murmurs to admit, “I’m… I’m scared.” He’d stopped crying a while ago, but he can’t bring himself to let go of Spencer.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re going to do great, but if you don’t, we’ll figure it out together.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t… we barely know each other; I don’t… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You cleaned up my vomit last week; we’re closer than you think.” Liam laughs a bit, finally pulling away. Spencer gives him a last squeeze and lets go, and when Liam leans back, he sees that Spencer’s braced against the bitch seat between them, his whole body contorted in a way that can’t possibly be comfortable so that he was at the right angle for a hug. He looks ridiculous, and Liam can’t help but laugh a bit as he digs around for something in the back seat, not moving away. The laugh comes out wrong, too wet and close to a sob, but it’s something, and that something is enough to put a bit of a smile on Spencer’s face when he looks up a second later with a water bottle in his hand.

The smile fades into something else a moment later, Liam’s not sure how to read that look, especially combined with Spencer’s awkward position. It’s softer than what Liam would have expected, somehow. He’d expected some sort of joke, something to brush off what’s just happened or to help them ignore it, because every time he’s shown even a fraction of his fear to anyone else, that’s how it’s met. They’ll be awkward about it, and make a joke, and then they’ll move on. But when Spencer looks at him, that’s not what he gets. Instead, it’s concern. There’s a touch of confusion, but there's such an earnest concern behind it that Liam isn’t sure what to think.

“What is it?” Spencer asks, and it takes Liam a minute to realize he’s talking about the laugh.

“It’s… nothing. Thank you.”

“Of course. Here; you should drink something so you don’t get a headache. And… if you want, when you’re ready, we could go have a picnic? And we can study if you want, but we don’t have to. Only if you think it would make you feel better.”

“Maybe after we eat? If… how long can you stay?”

“Feeding and milking are done for the night, so I’m here as long as you need me.”

“Okay. If… you’re sure?”

“I’m sure. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you for this,” Liam tells his lap. He can’t bring himself to look Spencer in the eye again, not with everything that’s just happened. “You didn’t have to do any of it; I… I’m just a vet who showed up a few times. But thank you. It… it means more than you know.”

“Liam? Can you look at me a minute?” He looks up, and Spencer makes sure to look him in the eye when he says, “You’re important to me. I just want you to know that. You’re a good friend, and I’m glad I could help you. I’m glad you’re in my life.”

Liam’s not sure how to react to that. Somewhere, his brain processes that Spencer has nice eyes. That feels more real than anything that’s happened today, so he forces himself to latch onto it. They're dark eyes, the color of the earth on the farm where Liam grew up, that good black dirt that nourishes crops and feeds the world. They're so soft, framed by long lashes, and in the shadows of the twilight that surrounds the truck, they're transformed into inky pools, filled with a warmth and concern that Liam could sink into. When meeting Spencer’s eyes gets to be too much, he focuses instead on Spencer’s hand. He thinks about how the muscles and bones and tendons all work together to hold out the water bottle so Liam will drink some more. Mentally, he categorizes the way Spencer’s hand works, the machinery under the skin that makes it move and brings it to life. He catalogues the scar on Spencer's thumb and the callouses on his palm, memorizes the way his nails are cut and the tan lines on the backs from the gloves he wears to do work outside. Really, the human hand is a miracle. When he takes the water bottle and his hand brushes the miracle of Spencer’s, he nearly forgets how to breathe.

By the time he’s done drinking, Spencer is digging around in the back seat, and the spell is broken. Still, some part of Liam’s brain notes that he has a nice ass. Spencer emerges a second later with the picnic basket, holds it up with a smile, and says, “shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take your meds, kids. And don't be afraid to ask for help; it's important.  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks


	5. Chapter 5

They climb out of the truck, and the sun is out, and Liam feels like a different person than he was when they got in. Somehow, it's like he's let all his questions, fears, and doubts fall away, shutting them up as he shuts the truck's door. Hopefully, they'll disappear into whatever void exists under and between car seats and never be seen again. Spencer and the picnic basket lead the way to a table, and Liam follows with his backpack slung over a shoulder. It's only once Spencer starts unpacking the picnic basket and urging him to eat that Liam realizes how hungry he is.

"Dude, have you eaten anything today?" Spencer asks. There's a hint of joke in his tone, but the foundation is worried.

"I... had breakfast, I think. One of the side effects of withdrawal was nausea, so I... it wasn't exactly motivating to eat, especially when it's just ramen again." That's supposed to be a joke, sort of, a play on the starving student stereotype. But Spencer just looks worried, and Liam scrambles to reassure him. "I'm fine. It's... it's not a big deal or anything; now that I'm back on the meds I should be fine. Just a week of your mom's food spoiled me. Before y'all, I hadn't had a real home-cooked meal in... god, eight years I think? I mean, my friends and I made stuff, but nothing with the same effort and love baked in."

It's not a big deal, but Spencer looks even more concerned. "Oh no. That’s... my mom is going to make you so much food when she finds out; you have no idea.”

“Don’t... you don’t have to tell her." Liam says quickly, trying not to think about how much he already owes Spencer's mom. "I... I’d really rather she didn’t worry; she seems sweet but I don’t need... I’m okay. I’m doing fine, and it’s not for much longer if I pass, and you all got me so much already.” 

Spencer's quiet for a moment, then he says, "Why don't you come out to the farm after you're done with the test? We can celebrate with more homemade food. They could be there if you want to meet them, or it could be just us and whoever else you want. Up to you."

"I'd like that. Maybe... I don't know if your parents would like me all that much; I'm not exactly... parents don't tend to like me, and I don't want to butt in or anything, but if you want them there then I don't mind."

"Alright; it'll be us and Annie, and I'll make sure to have something home cooked. Anyone else you want to come? We could do a little celebration."

"You... we don't have to make it a thing; it--"

"If you're going to say it isn't a big deal, after how much we both know it's been stressing you out, I'm going to riot. It matters. This is a big thing, and it deserves to be celebrated. And so do you." Spencer looks so confident, and so sure of himself and the absolute fact of what he's just said that Liam can't find anything to say in response. He just looks down at the food in front of him, but even that is a sign of Spencer's kindness, and he's almost overwhelmed with it all.

"Thank you," he says after a moment. "For... everything, not just wanting to celebrate the NAVLE with me. I'm sorry if I'm weird about it; this is... new. For me. But I do appreciate it. So thank you."

“Of course. And I mean it, you do deserve to be celebrated. You’re a really great guy, and you worked so hard for this. We’ll do a special dinner next week, and if you want Bell or anyone there, we’ll have them.” 

“I’d like that, but she... she lives a few hours away with my sister, and I wouldn’t want to have to pick her up after the test or take her back between that night and work the next morning. Thank you, though, for thinking of her. If she was closer, I'd definitely want her there."

"Of course." If Spencer's honest with himself, he's always thinking of Bell. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he's always worried about her and what she'd say. Liam's love for her is as clear as day. He lights up when he talks about her, how she's his girl and he'd do anything to make her happy. He talks about wanting to look after her when she gets old, how they'd grown up together and she'd been there with him through everything. Once, he'd said that she's the only girl he'll ever really love. He is so, so in love with her, and every now and then when he mentions her, Spencer can tell it breaks Liam's heart that they can't be together. 

He’s constantly offering to show Spencer pictures of how cute she is, or how gorgeous and regal, but Spencer's always said no. Because if Bell is as stunning and wonderful as Liam says, and if they're really as in love as they seem, then no matter how much of a crush he has, Spencer doesn't stand a chance. At least if he doesn't have to see her, it makes it easier somehow. He can pretend she's not real, or that he and Liam have a shot. If nothing else, he at least doesn't have to see the person Liam's so close to.

"I... I was about to thank you again," Liam says, laughing a bit and pulling Spencer out of his head. "I really don't... it's been a long time since I had someone who'd look out for me like this. I appreciate it a lot."

"Well, you've got me and my parents and our neighbors now; that's at least five people who'd be willing to fight for and love you. And Bell would, too, or at least I hope she would. For how much you love her, I hope she's loving you back."

"Oh, yeah, I mean, she would if she could. She did, back when we were staying together; she helped so much then. I... I swear she's the only reason I'm doing as well as I am today, which isn't saying much, but it... it could be worse, I suppose. It's just harder now, since we're not in the same place."

Spencer nods, and Liam asks about Annie after a moment, so they watch the video of her playing again, then Spencer rambles about things at the farm so Liam can eat. When he's finished, they get his flash cards and study guide, and Spencer listens while he talks about cow poop and horse bacteria and rabbit parasites as the sun sets. 

It's more obvious than ever how ready for this test he is. Spencer's known he's smart for a while, but something about the way he answers questions now, the quiet assurance as they flip through flash cards and practice questions, solidifies the fact in Spencer's mind. Liam's going to do well.

"Hey, you're... you're really smart," he says as they come to a break, looking at Liam with a bit of a smile. "I know I've said to before, and I know you don't really believe me, but you're going to crush this test."

"Thanks. I... I hope I'm ready. I just don't want to let anyone down."

"Well, I don't know who else you're talking about, but I'm already really proud of you. And you're working so hard, I bet anyone else would be proud, too."

"Thanks, but it's more... I had to crowdfund this entry fee. That's... that's part of why I'm taking it now instead of in the fall when everyone else did; I had to raise enough. So I just... I don't want to let down the people who helped me out. I couldn't have taken it otherwise, so I... I feel like if I don't do well, it'll be a waste of their money and belief in me."

He's looking down at the notes in front of him, chewing on his bottom lip, but he looks up as Spencer gets up to come around behind him and rub his shoulders. He seems surprised for a second, then leans into it, letting his head fall back onto Spencer's chest as Spencer rubs the tension out of his shoulders.

"I'm sorry I can't make any of this easier, but I can tell you that anyone who helped you get here should and would be so, so proud of you. You're doing your best, and that's all anyone could ask for."

"Thank you," Liam says, letting his eyes close for a second as Spencer works through a particularly tense knot in his shoulder. "That's... I'm trying to believe that."

"If you want, you could come out to the farm tomorrow. I've got some work, but if you wanted to study in the house or a barn, we could find you a place. I might even put you to work when that big brain of yours needs a break."

"I don't want to be in the way," Liam says, but Spencer just shakes his head.

"Nonsense. I mean, you don't have to, obviously, but if you want, it would be nice not to have to eat meals alone. The farm feels empty."

"If you're sure I wouldn't be in the way, I'd like that," Liam says. He's still got his head leaned on Spencer's chest, but despite being upside down, his smile looks almost normal. It's miles better than it was when they'd first met up.

A bit of hair flops down into his face as he and Spencer make eye contact, and he blows at it a bit. It lands in the exact same place, and he blows at it again, going cross-eyed as he stares at it and almost smiling as it flutters above him for a moment. When it falls right back where it was, Spencer takes one hand off Liam's shoulder and brushes it away. As he does, his fingers barely skimming Liam's forehead, their eyes catch again, and for a split second, Spencer can't breathe. He's sure that Liam can hear his heart thumping against his chest, but he can't remember how to make himself care. He can't remember how to do anything but look at Liam's face, taking in the bags under his eyes and the stubble on his chin, the flop of hair on his forehead and the way his lashes fan out when he blinks. But no matter what else he looks at, he keeps being drawn back to Liam's eyes. They're stunning. There's something about them, a fierceness and a light that captivates Spencer. He's aware that he's been looking at Liam for too long, and that he should look away, but somewhere, he realizes that it takes two people to make eye contact, and Liam isn't looking away, either.

Then a crow caws, a little too close to the food, and Spencer looks over to make sure he's not stealing anything important, breaking the spell.

"It's, uh, is it getting late?" Liam asks, moving his head off Spencer's chest to rub the back of his neck as he checks his phone. Spencer gives his shoulders a last squeeze and steps back; they're still tense but better than they were.

"It might feel that way; when did you get up?"

"Oh, definitely way too early. And, you know, it's... it's been a long one. I should probably head home, but, um, if you're sure I won't be in the way, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"That sounds good." They finalize plans as they pack the picnic basket, and Spencer insists that Liam take home the leftovers, so the picnic basket ends up in the back seat of Liam's car next to two care packages and a little cooler of fresh milk and veggies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	6. Chapter 6

As he drives home, Liam tries his best to process what exactly just happened. He hadn't planned to tell Spencer about needing meds; that's the kind of thing that usually gets him worried looks at best and requests to 'borrow' some at worst. But Spencer hadn't been weird about it, and that in itself feels weird. He would have known how to deal with the jokes, or the concern, but treating ADHD like it's something completely normal isn't something that Liam's used to. He's even less used to people helping him deal with it, and he's still processing that as he pulls into his parking spot and starts to move everything Spencer's sent him home with into his apartment. It takes two trips to get the various bags and boxes and baskets up, and Liam puts away milk and vegetables and dinner leftovers before he finally acknowledges the two care packages set on his kitchen floor. 

He's not sure how to feel about them, and he has no idea what to expect. Some of his friends get care packages, but he's never gotten one. Spencer's feels like the safer place to start, so he settles on the floor and opens it first to find it packed full of goodies. There's a mug, and a hand lotion with a note that it's the one Spencer swears by for long days on the farm, and a little candle. The note on it says _this says it relieves stress and I don't know how much I believe it, but you need all the help you can get_ , which is enough to startle a bit of a laugh out of Liam. There are matches in the box, too, and snack mixes and other treats packed between things, and it's so thoughtful that Liam has to just take a minute and look at it all. He can imagine Spencer putting this together, adding notes about how drinking coffee out of a mug might help Liam slow down in the morning or writing out exactly what's in the snack mix. Everything is so carefully done, and just knowing that Spencer would take the time to do something like this for him, just because he watched a few movies, is surreal.

The other care package is still there, so Liam forges ahead, opening it before he lets himself become overwhelmed by Spencer's. There's a card on top from Spencer's parents, thanking him for doing the chores and keeping Spencer healthy, and it's got their numbers on the bottom in case Liam ever needs them. He can't imagine calling them, given that parents don't tend to like him and people he needs help from often like him even less, but it's nice to know that they're an option if he's ever truly desperate. It's thoughtful that they offered, and everything else in the box is thoughtful, too. There are homemade cookies with instructions on how to heat them up so they're gooey again, and a nice water bottle with a note that they worry he's only drinking coffee because Spencer never drank enough water in school. There's a framed picture of Annie and a set of command strips to hang it, because they've been in enough apartments owned by boys his age to know that he probably hasn't decorated on his own, and enough snacks and baked goods to last him weeks (complete with instructions on how to freeze and reheat some of it), and a few pasta and sauce options because they know he doesn't have much time to cook. It's thoughtful in a way that feels refined, like it's a variant on a care package they'd have sent Spencer in school, and even that simple fact threatens to overwhelm Liam. Knowing that they think of him as even a bit like Spencer feels like a huge honor, and the fact that they'd both put something like this together without ever meeting him makes him wonder if maybe, they wouldn't dislike him as much as other parents have.

He texts Spencer his thanks, asking him to pass it on to his parents, and puts the food away in a bit of a daze. It doesn't quite sink in until he's looking around for a place to put the picture of Annie, which feels much too fancy for his apartment, but when it does, he has to sit down. Three different people put time, money, and energy into making him feel special. Just because he hung out with Spencer for a week, eating his food and watching some movies. It seems impossible; he'd known that there were people like this but could never have imagined he'd meet them. 

There's nothing to do but find a place on his desk for the candle, and one above it for Annie's picture, and go to bed still trying to believe that people care about him enough to send him things. The care packages are still there as he falls asleep, and they're still there when he wakes up in the morning. They haven't faded with his dreams or disappeared overnight like some sort of magic.

The good coffee Spencer bought him is still in his cupboard, right above the mug he drinks it out of as he texts Spencer another thank you. Spencer tells him to take his time and relax with his coffee before he comes out to the farm, so Liam tries his best. He's got a library book on its second renewal sitting on his desk, so he picks that up while he has toast from Spencer's parents for breakfast. It feels like he's cheating somehow, like he's not really serious about school if he's willing to take a break like this. It feels like he can't really want to be a vet if he's going to spend his mornings reading for fun, so he sets the book aside and flips open a textbook instead.

It opens directly to a page about the importance of rest. He reads almost a full paragraph about how important it is to let animals rest between tricks, how a dog who's constantly working will learn to hate the work and their owner, before he closes the book with a deep breath. He's going to be working all day at the farm; he can take a break for breakfast.

When he's finished eating breakfast, washing his dishes, and reading a chapter of his book, he texts Spencer and packs up. He almost forgets the picnic basket, and he wonders if he should put something in it as he heads down to his car, but knowing Liam spent money on him might just make Spencer feel guilty at this point. He'll have to do something later; when he's taken his test and is doing better financially he'll have to throw Spencer a big thank you dinner. For now, he loads the picnic basket and his bag into the car, then settles in the front, turning his music up and rolling the windows down. The drive to the farm is familiar now, and with the wind in his hair and music in his ears, Liam can almost forget how stressed he is.

He knows that carrying all the shit he's dealing with isn't healthy. He's seen the stress studies on people and animals alike, and he's felt the impacts as much as any test subject. He knows the exhaustion, the headaches and the muscle tension. He knows the sleepless nights and racing heart that come with looming deadlines, and he knows the constant worry that he's simply not good enough to face whatever comes next. By this point, he could probably be used in a study like the ones he's read as an example of the consequences of long term stress. But the only way out is through, and the only thing worse than dealing with it on his own would be pushing it off onto someone else. He doesn't need guilt piled on. So he does what he can to find moments like this, when his music's loud and the wind blows through his hair to carry his fears out the window. When he finds these moments, he does his best to savor them, to sing along and let the weight of the world fall off his shoulders for a bit.

As he pulls up to the farm, rattling over the cattle gate with a grin, he expects the stress to come back. He expects it to all crash down onto him again as he parks the car, stopping his music and climbing out. As soon as he settles his bag over his shoulders, he expects the stress to come with it, but somehow, everything feels lighter here. It just feels better not to be stuck in a shitty apartment, especially on a day like this. It's gorgeous out, and maybe, if he can find a nice spot in reach of Spencer's Wi-Fi, he'll be able to study outside.

He's just starting toward the house when he hears his name, and he turns to see Spencer coming out of the barn with a grin.

"Thought I heard your car. How're you doing?"

“I’m better. I’m... I'm a lot better than last night. I’m sorry about all that.” 

“Hey, no apology necessary. You just needed a hand, and I’m glad I could help out. I was thinking we could get you set up on the porch for today if you want? My mama brought some iced tea, so we can get you a glass, and there’s a nice table where I used to do my homework and a view of the pasture from there. It's not a fancy office or anything, but I thought maybe you'd prefer it.”

"Definitely better than an office," Liam says, not even trying to hide his grin. Spencer grins, too, and leads the way through the house to a wide back porch. He shows Liam the table and vanishes, reappearing with iced tea and some cookies just as Liam’s getting settled. At the cookies, Liam rolls his eyes with a smile. “Dude, you’re spoiling me.” 

Spencer just laughs. “Look, I love Mama, but I don’t think she’s realized I don’t have roommates anymore. She packages cookie plates like there’s a family of ten living here; I just need your help eating them.” 

“Did you used to have roommates?” Liam asks. He should be studying, but if he starts studying then Spencer might leave, and he doesn't want Spencer to go just yet. Spencer nods in answer to his question. 

“I had a bunch in college. I haven’t out here, though there’s certainly room for it. But not many people want to rent this far from the university and the downtown area, and I feel like it would be weird renting to just anyone. I'm living here, and it's my childhood home and all; I don't know. It would feel sort of uncomfortable.” 

Liam nods, and Spencer turns to go inside, leaving Liam to buckle down on his studying. Spencer comes and goes, refilling his iced tea and making sure Liam knows he’s nearby in case he needs to be quizzed or anything. Eventually, he brings out two full plates and asks, “is now an okay time for a lunch break, or should I leave you to it? You can tell me to go away if you want.” 

“Now’s good,” Liam says, shifting things to make room as he looks up at Spencer with a grin. “Thank you so much for this, really, I... I don’t know if I could have spent another day like yesterday. My apartment isn't exactly the best place to be right now; my neighbors smoke just... so much weed, and it's just in general sort of... this is a better place for sure."

“It’s honestly not a problem. I like having someone else out here; even if we don’t talk or even interact much it’s nice to be around someone. I... I didn’t really notice until Annie, but it can get lonely out here. I don't know; maybe I should look into getting a roommate instead of dragging people out to visit me.” 

Liam almost says he’s looking for a place to live next year, but he bites it back and focuses on his food instead. He can’t ask Spencer for something like that, not with his budget. Any room or space Spencer's looking to rent out would be worth so much more than what Liam could afford. Spencer might say yes anyway, but it would be out of pity, and as much as he loves it out here, Liam can’t spend a year as a pity tenant. Instead, he just ignores the comment and the conversation shifts. They talk about work and cows and movies in theaters that they both sort of know neither of them are going to make it to. Liam thanks Spencer at least three times, and each time, Spencer thanks him in return, for coming out and keeping him company. 

By the third time, Spencer sets down his utensils and looks Liam in the eye, so seriously that Liam mirrors him, swallowing the food in his mouth automatically as he gets ready for Spencer to be upset. But Spencer just says, “I like spending time with you. You’re my friend, and you’re fun to hang out with. I... I don’t know who convinced you otherwise, or if you convinced yourself, but I’m being completely honest when I say that I like you. You don’t have to apologize for being part of my life, especially not when I’m the one who invited you in. And you don’t have to constantly thank me, either. It’s... you’re not some kind of problem I have to deal with or anything like that; I’m glad to spend time with you. I... I guess what I’m getting at is that I like you, like... as a person. Honestly.”

Liam’s bright red as he looks back at his food and mumbles a thank you, which feels counter intuitive to what Spencer’s just said about thanking him, but it feels like the only appropriate response. He wants to apologize, but that feels wrong, too, so instead he just says, “I’m... like I said, I’m... I’m sort of new to things like this, but, um, I... I appreciate you.” 

Spencer smiles, bumping his knee against Liam’s under the table. “Hey, I appreciate you, too. I... if you have to keep studying tell me, but I was hoping to take the horses out for a long ride today, and you absolutely don’t have to, but if you want to come, I’d like the company. You don’t have to, though! I don’t want to pull you away from something more important.”

“Maybe... how long would it take? And could you wait to see how I feel about things later? I think I could come, but I... it would be a good reward when I'm done for the day, if you don’t mind waiting. I just know if I went now, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about how much I still have to work on.”

"That sounds good; it might be cooler later anyway. We can wait and see, and then just go as long as you have time for."

“I’d like that,” Liam says, and they talk about where they’ll go as they bring the dishes inside, Liam rinsing them off as Spencer loads the dishwasher. Liam’s just starting on some of the bigger dishes, arguing with Spencer that he should be allowed to do the hand washing since Spencer got the food ready, when the doorbell rings. Spencer goes to get it, calling back to Liam that he should leave the dishes where they are. Liam ignores him at first, but when he hears Spencer invite someone in, he finishes up and starts back out to the porch to be out of the way. 

He’s not fast enough. Before he can get out, Spencer’s leading two women into the kitchen, talking with them easily. 

"Liam, these are my neighbors, Cat and Addy. Cat, Addy, this is Liam. He's... he's the friend I told you about who looked after me when I wasn't feeling good last week."

“Liam, it’s so good to meet you,” Addie says, coming to shake his hand with a grin. “Spencer’s told us how much you helped him out.”

“If you can get this kid to stay on bed rest for that long, you must be some kind of miracle worker,” Cat says, ruffling Spencer’s hair. 

“It was nothing. I just hung out here at night, took care of the morning chores, nothing big. I used to live by a place like this and I'd help my neighbors, so it's not like it was anything too new or hard. Honestly, I’ve sort of missed it.” 

"Wait, Addy, don't we have a little something for Liam?" Cat asks, and Addy nods.

"We do! It's in the gator we brought over; y'all stay put."

"I don't--" Liam protests, but she's already gone, saying something about how Spencer can come with her if he wants to see something. Cat doesn't seem the type to negotiate what he does or doesn't deserve or need, but still, he says, "Spencer and his parents both already thanked me; I don't need anything else. It wasn't a big deal, really."

“Well, we heard about everything you did, and Spencer mentioned you don’t really have family in the area, so we just wanted you to know that if you need anything, anything at all, you can call us. Addy’s little package has our contract info in it, just in case.”

“Thank you, I... you didn’t have to, really. I’m okay.” When Liam looks up again, Spencer’s leaving the room and Cat is a bit closer. She hesitates for a minute, then puts a hand on his arm, making sure she has his attention.

“I... I haven’t had any biological family since the ‘80s, but Spencer’s parents and Addy made me their family. So if there’s anything we can do to make it feel like you’ve got a family of your own, let me know, alright?” 

Liam just nods, trying to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. Spencer and Addy come back in together, and Cat takes a step back with a smile as Addy hands Liam a box that he wouldn’t exactly describe as little. He’s not sure how big care packages are supposed to be; this marks his third ever. Still, it seems like a lot, but Addy won’t let him complain or return any of it. Liam tells her that Spencer and his parents have already thanked him, but Addy points out that they would have been doing the morning chores if he hadn’t, and Cat threatens to sneak the gift into his car if he won’t accept it. Only once he’s agreed to keep it, thanking them over and over, does Spencer suggest they let him study. That kicks off a round of questions about his test, followed by well wishes and another round of thank yous. Then there are reassurances that they’re glad to have met and other pleasantries before Liam is settling back out on the porch to try and process everything as he gets back to work. 

His mind keeps sticking on his conversation with Cat. Somehow, she seems to know more about him than he'd told even Spencer. That should probably scare him, to know someone can read him that easily, but it doesn't. Instead, he realizes that it might make him willing to ask her for help. Of all the people who've offered him help in the past twenty four hours, she's certainly the one he'd be most likely to accept it from. He wonders briefly when the last time he would have asked for guidance or help from a 'real adult' was, and he shifts his focus to work instead of trying to think about that. If he's honest with himself, he's not entirely sure he wants to know the answer.

Aside from Cat and Addy’s visit, the afternoon follows the same pattern as the morning. Spencer’s in and out while Liam studies, offering to help and refilling snacks and iced tea as needed. Liam gets in a good amount of studying, and when the words feel like they’re running together and is brain is too tired to think anymore, he doesn't push himself. Instead, he closes his book and texts Spencer to ask if he’s ready to ride. 

They get the horses tacked up easily enough, Liam following Spencer’s lead as they finish up and leave the barn. Spencer urges his horse faster, through a trot and into a canter, and Liam does the same, adjusting as he learns her gate and gets used to being in the saddle again. When they get to an open field, he can tell she wants to go, so he lets her gallop ahead, looking back over his shoulder as Spencer laughs and urges his horse to join them. They race across the field, laughing and egging each other on until they reach a little stream where the horses slow and stop to drink, settling down while the boys on their backs catch their breath. Spencer grins at him, face flushed and hair blown back by the wind, looking almost carefree for the first time since Liam carried him in from the barn.

“Why do I ever do this alone? It’s so much more fun with you; you should just come out every week and exercise them with me." He seems to realize what he's asked a minute later and adds, "I mean, if you want; you don’t have to obviously. But I could get you dinner; we could maybe do picnics, at least until it gets cold.” 

“That sounds like a good deal to me,” Liam says, grinning back. “I haven’t ridden in a bit, but it’s like riding a bike. Only the bike is alive, and a lot bigger.” 

Spencer laughs, and Liam can’t help his smile. This Spencer, the one who’s not worried or overworked, is so, so incredible. There has to be a way to help him stay like this. He’s happy, and after a moment, Liam realizes he’s happy, too. Maybe if they do rides like this every Sunday, it’ll be a start toward a happier Spencer. He knows coming out here regularly will make him happier, and as they start up into the woods, talking and laughing, he can’t help but hope that having company will do the same for his friend.

As they ride through the back of the ranch and it feels like everything else falls away, Liam can't help but hope that Spencer gets to relax like this more often. At the very least, hopefully he'll be able to find these moments more regularly. He seems comfortable and unstressed, and he keeps crediting it to having company, which feels good. Maybe, even once he gets sick of Liam being around, he'll have learned that having company for weekly rides makes him happy. He can invite Addy or Cat or one of his friends out to ride with him, and really, just knowing that Spencer has moments like these, where his smiles come easily and he's as relaxed as he can be on the back of a horse, would be enough to make Liam happy to have known him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The picture of Annie hanging over Liam's desk is brought to you by the picture of a highland cow hanging over my desk. Annie's not a highland, because they're in Texas and it's too hot, but they're both cows so close enough.
> 
> Also, I think the issue with these two is that they both assume they're a minor character in the other's story when they are in fact the love interest. Like you know how Liam was very much a piece of character development in RWRB? I think that's how he sees himself in Spencer's life, too.  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	7. Chapter 7

Every day that week, like clockwork, Liam gets encouraging texts from Spencer. There’s always one in the morning, usually sent around when Spencer gets up to start chores, which means it's waiting for Liam when he wakes up at a marginally more normal hour. There's always another when he’s off work, and usually another comes in just as he settles down to study. There are a few days where Spencer will call while he studies, and they’ll work on separate things in a quiet camaraderie for a bit. Some days, it’s what keeps Liam grounded, knowing that he can say something and hear Spencer hum or respond on the other end of the line. 

The test is on Saturday, and it’s a Friday just after dinner when Liam finally works up the guts to text Spencer _If you think she’d like it, could you maybe pass my contact info to Cat?_

_Only if you think it would help her or she’d want it. You don’t have to or anything._

_If you don’t think she’d want it it doesn’t matter._

Spencer calls him a few minutes later, and when Liam answers, the first thing Spencer says is, “I passed it along. How’re you doing? Feeling ready?” 

“I’m... I'm okay. I’m good. I... just making sure I know it all before tomorrow.” 

“You’re going to do great. But hey, speaking of tomorrow, I thought maybe, if you want, we could camp tomorrow night? My parents have a little tent we could borrow, and it’s supposed to be a clear night. I... if you want, there’s a nice spot back near where we rode last week. I know you were looking forward to good food, and this won’t be quite as good as otherwise, but it might be fun if you’re interested.”

“I... I think that would be really fun,” Liam says. “I don’t know how much camping stuff I have, but—“

“Don’t worry about it. My family used to camp a lot; I’ll stop by my parents’ place and get everything we need. Just bring... I guess pajamas? And clothes for tomorrow, and whatever you want for you, but I’ll take care of the tent and sleeping bags and all the big stuff.”

Liam thanks him, and they finalize a plan while he finishes dinner. When he hangs up, he has a text from Cat. He’d put her number in his phone last week, but texting her without a real reason felt sort of like crossing a line, and he doesn’t want to impose. But now, she’s texted him. 

_Best of luck on your test tomorrow, but from what Spencer says, you won’t need it_

_This is his neighbor Cat. He sent me your contact_

Liam texts her his thanks, and he gets to studying, but it’s not the stress-induced all nighter of his other tests. He even goes to bed at a decent time, and he plans on a breakfast for the next morning, so all in all it’s already better than his other test experiences. Somehow, knowing that he's got people who think he can do it and a backup plan if he fails helps him feel a bit more comfortable not working himself to the bone.

The next morning, he eats on his way to the testing center, but at least he’s eating. A rushed breakfast is better than no breakfast, after all. He texts Spencer before he goes in, and almost as an afterthought, he texts Cat, too. Then he mutes his phone, takes a deep breath, and steps into the testing room. 

There's a bit of training to make sure he knows what he's doing on the computer, then six blocks of questions interspersed with forty five minutes of break time. In eight hours, everything will be over and he'll be headed to the farm with Spencer. He can do this.

He takes the first break after two blocks, mostly just to stretch out a bit. When he checks his phone, Spencer and Cat have both texted him about how well he’s going to do. His boss and a few of his vet friends have texted, too, and he thanks them before heading back into the test. It goes like that the whole time, alternating between blocks and breaks, and on every break, he has at least one text each from Spencer and Cat. 

Around noon, Cat asks if he has food lined up for dinner or if she and Addy can treat him. When he tells her he’s spending the night with Spencer, she says she’ll see what he thinks they’d like. It feels better than he’d necessarily admit, knowing that she’s thinking of him. She's still Spencer's family friend, of course, but the fact that she's thinking of him still feels good.

All in all, the test isn't as bad as he'd hoped. He's always felt out of place in situations like this, like he doesn't deserve to be here, but the other test takers aren't the party-going, boat-shoes-wearing classmates he's always felt inferior to. Really, they're just a group of tired almost-vets, up too early on a Saturday, all toting big travel mugs and half wearing sweat pants. When he passes some of the others on breaks, they smile and nod at him, and he feels himself relax as he focuses more and more on the test. It's what he's studied, and what he's been doing at work for months now, and for all his worry, he does know the material. 

When he’s finally done, when he’s submitted the test and gotten his stuff and stepped out into the evening, he’s not sure how to feel. There’s relief, and when he takes a second in his car to actually process how and what he's feeling, there's less stress than he’d expected. Normally, he’d be worried until his results came out, however futile that worry might be. But this time, he gets to camp tonight, and he knows at least one or two people will think he’s done well enough, and that’s enough for him for now. He texts Spencer that he's on his way, then texts Cat, too. Spencer’s ready for him, and Cat’s proud. 

She and Addy are there when he gets to the farm, and they cheer as he gets out, which makes him smile even as he can feel himself blushing. Addy comes to hug him, and Cat ruffles his hair. "Look at you, kid, all confident. It went well?"

"I think so. Better than I thought it would, at least; no horrible computer issues or blocks I didn't know anything about. Lots of cats and dogs, and small animals, which aren't really my thing, but I knew most of it, at least well enough."

"Well, I'm sure you did great," Addy says. "Spencer says you're god at cows; we'd certainly hire you to come take a look at ours sometime."

"Yeah, someone's work on cow feet could use a professional once-over," Cat says, grinning. "Not to mention Addy by name, but I think she's been kicked by every block she's put on, so if you ever get into teaching, let us know."

Liam just assures them he will, and he can feel himself blushing, but he doesn't mind. They're still bickering a bit as they head home, leaving Liam alone with Spencer, who takes the first opportunity to hug and congratulate Liam himself. He asks a few questions about the test as they load Liam's bag into the gator and head toward the campsite, but when Liam doesn't want to think about it, Spencer doesn't push. Instead, Spencer tells him stories of growing up on the farm, and Liam has some of his own from his neighbor’s farm. He talks about moving into Austin proper in high school, about how he’s bounced between places in the city ever since. It’s easy conversation, and it carries them to the back of the farm, where Spencer’s set up a tent near some trees. 

He refuses to let Liam do any of the last minute work around the campsite, setting him up in a lawn chair to watch the fire grow as Spencer bustles around finishing things. Every time Liam tries to help, Spencer makes him sit back down, and eventually, Liam lets himself relax. His only job is to occasionally turn the potatoes Spencer’s put near the fire to cook and to watch a pot from Cat and Addy to make sure it doesn't burn. Liam's not sure what's in there, but whatever it is smells delicious. 

Spencer finishes setting up and comes to sit next to Liam, adding another pot on top of the fire. “We’ve got a bit of a hodgepodge dinner tonight; I was thinking chili-filled sweet potatoes, but then Cat offered their camp stove nachos and I couldn’t say no. It’s cheese from their cows, so all ethically produced and stuff, and they’re incredible. Doesn’t quite fit the rest of the menu, but you know. Couldn’t say ‘no’ to them.” 

“It... that sounds great, and so do the sweet potatoes. I was sort of expecting just hot dogs or something easy; this is fantastic. Thank you.”

“You thought I was going to let you eat hot dogs on a celebration night? After you told me you’re not used to home cooked meals? Nah, man. I do have s’mores stuff, though, because you’re not really camping if you don’t have s’mores.”

“Oh, of course,” Liam says, and Spencer grins. 

The dinner is incredible, even if it doesn’t all fit together perfectly, and when they’re done, the stars are out. They move away from the tent and out into an open space, and before long, they’re lying on their backs as Spencer points out constellations. 

In the midst of the celestial show and tell, as night fully sets in, Liam becomes suddenly aware of the place where Spencer’s arm is pressed to his. The night’s getting slowly colder, and the grass feels almost wet under his back, but every place he’s connected with Spencer is a point of warmth. It feels natural to move closer to that warmth, and Spencer wiggles a bit closer, too. They stay like that for a while, pressed together as Spencer points out every constellation he can find. Only when a cloud rolls in does he suggest they go make s’mores, and Liam’s shoulder feels oddly cold with him gone. 

He grabs a blanket from his bag as a replacement, wrapping up in it while he roasts marshmallows over the fire. 

“I’ve got to take the horses on a long ride tomorrow. If you want to join me, we could do it before you go home. Cat and Addy are doing the morning chores for me, so there’s no rush to get back or anything, but the horses were a lot more fun with you.”

“I’d like that. And I’ll probably spend a bit of time with Annie as well, if you don’t mind. I do want to write that paper about her and her treatment.” 

“Of course. You’re starting that already?” 

“Thought I might as well; I’ll have time now that I’m not studying.” 

“But you’re not taking a break or anything? I’d have thought you’d want some free time now that the NAVLE’s done.” 

Liam just shrugs. “I don’t know; I just feel like it’ll be nice to get it out there and help people. If I start it now, maybe it’ll be published before the next big calf season.”

When he looks over at Spencer, the other boy is smiling, shaking his head a bit. “You’re absolutely incredible, you know that?”

“I’m... it’s not anything really; just what makes sense. I’ve got a bit of down time, so I’ll work on that,” Liam says. It’s directed at his marshmallow, and he’s hoping it’s too dark for Spencer to see his blush.

“No, it’s impressive. You’re so driven and hard working; it’s really cool. I’m impressed, anyway.” 

“Thanks,” Liam says, since there doesn’t seem to be much else to say. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” 

“I’m just glad I could help,” Spencer says, grinning. “It wasn’t much, though. This... your passion, and your dedication, and how much you want to help? That’s all you. And when it all goes well and you get everything you want and dream about, that’ll be you, too. I’m just keeping you company along the way.” 

“You’re impressive too, you know,” Liam says. “I don’t know how you manage to look after the farm all on your own, and I really appreciate you looking after me, too. It... I know you don’t think it’s much, but it means a lot.” 

“Ah, well. You do what you gotta do, right? When Dad had his accident, with the medical bills and everything, it was either I took over or we sold the place. No way we could have hired someone to take care of it. And... well, to be honest, I’m probably not doing the best job.”

“Well, I’m not doing the best job either. But we’re doing our best; that has to count for something,” Liam says, and Spencer nods, pouring whiskey into a pair of enamel mugs and handing one over. 

“I’ll drink to that.”

“To doing our best,” Liam says, and as he drinks the whiskey, he’s sure that’s the only thing warming him up inside. It has nothing to do with the knowledge that he’s made Spencer smile. 

They spend the rest of the night talking, moving steadily closer to the fire until they turn in. Liam’s brought a sweatshirt and blanket, his over-preparedness a holdover from what feels like another life. Still, as they settle into Spencer’s family’s summer sleeping bags, he’s glad for them. They’re in the middle of a cold spell, and it’s definitely worse at night. He hopes Spencer’s alright as he cuddles in for the night. 

He doesn’t have to wonder long before Spencer’s voice interrupts the nighttime sounds around them.

“Liam?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you also cold as shit?” 

He laughs at that, and he can hear Spencer sigh. “I should have checked the weather and brought the winter sleeping bags. But like... it’s April. That’s spring, so it’s basically summer already. I thought we’d be okay.”

“Come over here,” Liam says, still laughing a bit. “I’ve got an extra blanket.” 

Spencer wiggles over in his sleeping bag, and Liam drapes the blanket across them both. Spencer snuggles in a bit, then grins. “You’re a godsend.” 

“You wouldn’t be out here if it wasn’t for me,” Liam points out, but Spencer just shrugs, yawning. 

“Still. Thank you.” 

“Of course,” Liam says, and Spencer gives him a tired smile. They’re close, even with the sleeping bags separating them, and Liam isn’t quite sure what to make of the proximity. But Spencer snuggles in, his eyes closing slowly, and Liam decides he’s too tired to make anything of it. He’s finished his NAVLE today, and he’s spending the night camping with a friend who wants to make him feel special. If he wants to find some deeper meaning in all of that, he’ll do it in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for dropping off the face of the Earth for a month there; the Bake Off AU I wrote for the big bang was using up all my multi-chap brain cells. But I'm back now!  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	8. Chapter 8

With the NAVLE done, Liam spends more time at the farm. He's not there every day; he doesn’t want Spencer to get tired of him. But more often than not, he visits after work, his tires rumbling over the cattle gate toward a good meal and a night with Spencer or Annie. He writes his paper on Annie and sends it to his boss for feedback, but even after that, he comes back to help with chores or keep Spencer company. 

Still, he’s not planning on visiting that next Friday. It’s getting to be fully spring, which means babies and pregnancy checkups and all sorts of chaos at the office. He ends up staying late most days that week, dealing with things like an injured possum on Tuesday or a dog ultrasound on Wednesday. All in all, he’s had a long week, and it ends with an on-site appointment for a horse. As much as he loves Spencer's horses, horse medicine has never exactly been his favorite thing, and after the week he's had, all he wants to do afterward is go home, shower, and fall asleep. 

That is, until the farmer he’s visiting takes him to a pigpen. There’s a sow lying on her side with a host of suckling piglets, but the farmer reaches down into a pile of hay in the corner. He fishes out the smallest piglet Liam’s ever seen. He fits in the palm of the farmer’s hand, shivering slightly now that he's out of his bed of hay, and though Liam tries to listen to the farmer’s explanations, he can’t tear his eyes off the tiny runt. That is, not until the farmer admits that he can't look after him and asks if putting him down would be better than letting him struggle. 

At that, Liam says, “He’s... can I take him instead? I’ll get him off your hands, and you won’t have to pay me to put him down.”

“Be my guest. If I had the time or the funds to keep him around I would, but I’ve got a farm to run.” 

“I know. Thank you,” Liam says. He picks up the tiny piglet and clutches him to his chest, feeling the way he’s shaking. He’s so tiny and fragile, and the reasonable part of Liam’s brain can’t imagine how he’s going to be able to do this. He says goodbye to the farmer, thanking him for the piglet, then gets in his car and finds his warmest hoodie. It’s almost summer, and it’s Texas, and it’s boiling hot outside, but he pulls it on backwards anyway, tucking the piglet into the hood right under his chin before he calls Spencer to ask for a massive, massive favor. 

Spencer is waiting on the porch steps when Liam drives up, a bag of milk replacer and a bottle in his passenger seat and the piglet still tucked in his hood. 

“Thank you so much; I’m sorry I called, I just... you said that one time that it would be okay, and I didn’t want to impose on Cat and Addie, and I didn’t know where else to go. I can stay in a barn with him, and he... there’s a good chance he won’t make it, but I want to give him a shot. I have to.” 

“Can I see him?” Liam nods, gently uncovering the piglet in his hood and bending a bit so Spencer can see him. Spencer’s breath catches. “He’s so small. I know you said a runt, but I didn't expect him to be so tiny.”

“I know. He... he started small, and then he couldn’t get to Mom to suckle, so he... he didn’t really grow. But he’s fighting. He’s fighting so hard, and I...”

“Come inside; we’ll heat up a bottle for him and go from there.” 

Spencer leads the way in, and Liam almost wants to cry. It’s been such a long day. But he looks down at the tiny piglet in his hood, fighting so hard, and he keeps going. He thanks Spencer for heating the bottle, then takes the piglet out of his hood just long enough to get the sweatshirt off so he can nestle the piglet in it while he feeds him. For a horrifying, agonizingly long minute, the piglet won’t latch. He sniffles around the bottle, pushing at the nipple with his nose a few times, then turning to look up at Liam.

"Come on, little buddy. You can do it," Liam murmurs, running a finger along the top of the piglet's head. "Come on, for me. Please, buddy." The piglet gives him a few tiny snorts, then turns back to the bottle, carefully taking the nipple in his mouth. Liam holds his breath as the piglet takes an experimental pull on the bottle, apparently unaware of just how important this moment is. But with that first drink, Liam could swear his eyebrows shoot up, and suddenly, he’s suckling. Liam feels relief flood through him. If the piglet can eat, then maybe, just maybe, they can do this. There might be tears in his eyes when he looks up at Spencer. 

“Thank you. Really, thank you so much, I can’t have my landlord find another animal in my apartment and I don’t think I could hide a pig. I... if you want to go to bed or wind down or something, it’s late; I can find my way to the barn.” 

Spencer's smiling as he sits down, reaching a hand toward the piglet. When Liam nods, Spencer pets the piglet's tiny head as he says, “You don’t have to sleep in the barn every time you’re here, man. I’ve got this whole big farmhouse all to myself. There’s a room with a nice bed upstairs.” 

“He’ll need to be fed every hour or so, and kept warm until I can get him a heating pad. So thank you, I appreciate it, but I think I’ll need to stay with him for now." Liam turns back to watch the piglet drink, smiling a bit as he leans down to plop a kiss on his little head. "He needs to be cuddled, don’t you, baby?” 

Spencer rolls his eyes, though his smile is as present as ever. “You’re exhausted. Teach me to feed him the right way; I can stay up and cuddle and look after him. Is it like bottle feeding cows?” 

“Sort of. But you don’t need to stay up; you’re just as tired as I am. He’s my responsibility; I’ve got a thermos that will keep milk at temp for him in the car and we can stay in the barn. I don’t mind.” 

“Is there anything else you need?” Spencer asks, and Liam hesitates for a minute. 

“If... if he makes it through the night, he’ll do better with some sweaters, but we can wait on that just in case.” 

“Okay. Well, you’ve got a key to the back door, and you know where you’re going. If you’re sure you won’t stay inside?” 

“I can’t leave him out there all alone. Pigs are so social, and he’s meant to have his siblings, and his mom... he’s got to have someone there for him. He needs a family, and even if I'm not the one he deserves, I'm going to do my best.”

“You're going to be a great family for him, at least for now. I'll see if I can find him some other pig family soon, but for tonight, I can meet you out there with a blanket, and I’ll see if I’ve got a hot water bottle or a heating pad anywhere.” 

“Thank you. I... I’m not sure what I’d have done without you. Probably taken him home and gotten kicked out for having an animal in the apartment.” 

“How in the world have you survived living in a pet-free apartment?”

“I know! That’s why Bell lives with my sister; she can’t come stay with me. I’m hoping to find a place where we can stay together once my lease is up in August.” 

Spencer just nods and says something about a heating pad, then disappears. Liam, focused on the piglet swaddled in his hoodie who’s finally finished nursing and is starting to fall asleep, barely notices until he’s gone. He carries the piglet out to the barn, picking up the heated thermos and extra milk on the way. He’s testing out different names for the baby, holding him close and trying not to worry about how small he is, when Spencer finds him on a pile of hay. 

“You’re ridiculous. He all settled in for the night?” Spencer asks, and Liam looks up with a sheepish smile. 

“I think so. Thank you for the blanket.”

“I couldn’t find a heating pad, but I can probably drive over to my parents’ and get one tomorrow. How is he, really? As a doctor?” Liam sighs, looking down at the tiny sleeping pig. 

“He’s... he wants to be here. He’s trying so hard, but he’s so tiny. I’m... I'm really worried for him. He's eating, which is good, but tonight... this weekend, really, is going to be crucial.” He wipes a hand over his face, trying to somehow scrub the layers of exhaustion off it. “Sorry. It’s... I wasn’t even at the farm for the pigs, and it’s just been a long day.” 

“What were you there for?” Spencer asks. He sits beside Liam, not too close. 

“You really want to know? It’s gross.” 

“I was present for the birth of nearly every one of these cows.”

“A horse had a worm in his eye. I told you it was gross! I warned you, and you said you wanted to hear.” 

“I did. That’s on me. So you took the worm out of the horse’s eye, then turned around and rescued a piglet, no big deal?” 

“I asked if he had any other problem animals, and he... the farmer didn’t have the time or energy or manpower to take care of a piglet who couldn’t fend for himself, so he asked me if putting him down would be more humane than letting him starve. He... he has his best interests at heart, at least. He let me take him instead. And I know there's a farm sactuary in Welder, but places like that never have enough funds, and I didn't want to make them deal with a baby, especially not... I mean, I'm... I sort of know what I'm doing. So I thought about a sanctuary, but I didn't want to make them deal with a baby who would need this much help, so that’s when I called you.” 

“I'm glad you did," Spencer says, "I'm glad I get to meet him, and that I know about that rescue in case one of my friends needs a place for someone. But if you’re coming straight from taking a worm out of a horse’s eye, have you eaten dinner?” 

“I had a... a sandwich on the way here? I think? I had something. I’m not hungry. And I didn’t come straight from anything.”

“But you said you came right here.” 

“Yeah, but not straight. I don’t think I can go straight anywhere.” 

“Your sense of direction hasn’t seemed like an issue in the past; I don’t... are you trying to tell me something?” 

“‘M gay,” Liam manages through the biggest yawn Spencer’s ever seen. It’s such an outrageous thing Spencer can barely believe it. 

“You’re— What? But you love Bell so much. You said she’s the only girl you’ll ever love, and that you want to be with her for the rest of her life— what? Don’t laugh!” 

“Bluebell’s not a girlfriend. She’s my dog. She... you thought... I’m sorry. But she... Bell is my dog. I say she’s the only girl I’ll ever love because I’m gay. It’s a gay joke.” 

Spencer stares at him for a second, then starts to laugh a bit, too. “Here, let me find a picture to prove it. Come closer; I don’t want to leave Baby alone. Look. Here she is in all her blue heeler glory. Isn’t she just the cutest baby girl you’ve ever seen?” 

Spencer does move closer, and Liam leans against him as he shares picture after picture of a smiling dog. Spencer just smiles and comments on each one, but when Liam pauses, he looks over to see him asleep sitting up. He's partly leaned back against the wall of the barn, one hand on the piglet and the other holding his phone, but he looks absolutely exhausted. Between the paper he'd insisted on writing and the hours he's worked this week, it's really a miracle he's made it this long. Spencer sighs, looks at Liam, looks at the tiny sleeping piglet, and makes up his mind. He shifts a bit, and Liam jerks awake, mumbling an apology. 

“Just come inside and sleep on a bed for once?” 

“But the piglet—“

“He can come, too. Just for the night,” Spencer says, and Liam looks shocked for a moment before he starts thanking Spencer over and over. Spencer just picks up the piglet, then helps Liam up and leads him inside. Liam is a yawning, half-asleep mess. It’s kind of cute, even if it is annoying in the moment. “How long has it been since you slept?” 

Liam frowns, a look he gets when he’s thinking hard. That in itself feels a bit worrying; he probably shouldn't have to think hard about the last time he'd slept. “Yesterday. I slept... some last night. The neighbor’s therapy cat had a seizure and they came to get me. So that... that got me up. I think she’s diabetic. The cat, not the neighbor.” 

“So you didn’t sleep last night, and you’re already tired because you’re finishing your residency, doing that paper, and helping out here... Liam. You need to take better care of yourself.” 

“Like you don’t fall asleep in the barn. When Annie needed us you fell asleep on her. I had to carry you back here. What?” Spencer’s face has shifted from the playful banter to something Liam can’t quite read. 

“I... I thought that was a dream.” 

“You were awake?”

“Not really. I... I remember being carried, and you... did you call me cute?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Because, you know, you care so much about, well, everything. You have such a big heart, I think sometimes it makes you seem a lot... bigger? I’m not sure. That sounds wrong. Words, and I’m mostly asleep... it hides how cute you are behind this big wall of like... someone who’s so passionate and brave and tough. Normally you’re this rugged, bootstraps guy who’s running a whole dairy farm by himself and he’s barely twenty five. You’re like... like the Marlboro man, except without the lung cancer; that effortless sort of rugged farmer’s market hot thing where you’ll talk to me about grazing patterns and their affect on milk production while you shop for a home cooked meal. Like you know everything and you’re good at it all. But then you were asleep, and it... that personality wasn’t there to hide it anymore, and you were cute. And cuddly.” 

“Oh god, did I... did I try to cuddle you?”

“No, just... when I picked you up, you sort of... did this.” Liam bends down to demonstrate how Spencer had nestled into his chest, and Spencer turns bright red. “You don’t have to be embarrassed; it was cute.” 

“Still, I’m sorry.” 

“I didn’t mind. It was kind of nice. Bell’s mom used to sleep in my bed growing up, and it sort of reminded me of that. I was scared of ghosts in my closet and I used to cuddle her like that because I knew she’d look after me. Really, I was so far in the closet I would have found anything hiding in there, but I was eight and didn’t know better.”

That makes Spencer laugh as he opens the door to the guest room. “Well, this closet is ghost free. I wasn’t in there for too long, but I checked it out.” 

Liam laughs a little, and he thanks Spencer at least three more times between going into the room and closing the door. Once he’s in, he’s suddenly hyper awake, trying to take stock of everything so he can leave the room untouched. He takes pictures of the bed so he can make it the right way, and of the night stands. He has to unplug a lamp so he can charge his phone, and he does everything he can think of to make sure he remembers to plug it back in. 

Spencer hadn't said anything about the pig on the bed, so Liam takes a pillow to the floor with him, curling around the piglet’s tiny body. The next thing he knows, he’s waking up to a wet tugging at his finger. When he looks down, the piglet is awake and sucking. He smiles, reaching for the warm milk replacer and a bottle.

“Hey, baby. You want some more food? Yeah? I’m really proud of you. You’re doing really, really good. I’m going to turn a light on and maybe get a video, but you’re doing good.” 

The piglet just keeps sucking at his finger as he gets a bottle ready, then gets his phone. He takes a few pictures of the finger nursing, then gently transitions the piglet from his finger to the bottle before he opens another video. Spencer’s been saying he should post more about his rescue work on Instagram, so he starts recording.

“It’s... around 11 PM, and I’m up with a baby. This little guy is about two days old; he was the runt of a litter and couldn’t get much food, so I’m making sure he’s looked after for a bit. This is our second feeding tonight, and I’ll keep you guys updated,” he tells an Instagram story, adding an ask box for name suggestions. Once it’s posted, he turns his attention back to the baby, who’s eating so fast Liam is worried he’ll have to get another bottle when the piglet stops, snorts a few times, looks up at Liam for a moment, then cuddles back into the hoodie and goes to sleep. Liam just smiles, kisses the top of his head, and joins him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we have the Bell backstory! Some of you knew it, some of you guessed, but here's the reveal!  
> I relied a lot on Hannah Shaw (The Kitten Lady)'s piglet posts for this chapter, so if you're interested in piglet rescue, she's got a YouTube channel and an instagram with info.  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	9. Chapter 9

Liam wakes up a to a suckling piglet a few more times that night, and each time, he's overjoyed to feed him. During a feeding around 1AM, he scrolls through Instagram for name suggestions so he can stop calling the piglet "the baby". He instantly rules out all food ones (of which there are a worrying amount), and a blue check catches his eye. It’s Alex Claremont-Diaz: ‘name him Oscar for my dad they share a birthday’. 

"Oscar? Do you like that, baby?" Liam asks, and the piglet snorts something that sounds like approval. He smiles.

"Okay; Oscar it is." Oscar snorts again, and Liam smiles, recording a video of his eating noises for Instagram and captioning it "meet Oscar, a great eater and a real fighter". He tags Alex with thanks for the name suggestion, then leaves his phone to the side for the rest of the night. 

It’s around 5:00 AM, and Oscar’s halfway through a bottle when Liam hears someone moving outside. A moment later, the door opens a bit, and Liam hears a surprised noise from the other side of the bed. He sits up and sees a Spencer-shaped silhouette in the doorway. 

“Are you... why are you on the floor?” 

“I didn’t want to put the pig on the bed. He’s needed me.” 

Spencer doesn’t argue with that, just says, “can I come in?” 

Liam nods, so Spencer comes to join him on the floor, looking down at Oscar, who’s just finished eating and is looking up at Liam with a milky smile. 

“How’s he doing?” 

“Better. Definitely better. I named him Oscar.” 

“Hi, Oscar. Hi. He’s so cute.” 

“I know. He ate a bunch overnight. Look how much bigger his belly is.” 

“He looks happy.” 

“I think he is. This might be the first time in his life he’s felt strong enough to not have to fight all the time. He’s literally breathing easy for the first time ever.” 

Liam’s got his full attention on Oscar, but Spencer smiles at him anyway, letting a bit more adoration show through than he might have the night before. Liam just pets the piglet, and Oscar comes a bit closer, then plops down halfway in Liam’s lap with a few little snorts and is asleep moments later. Liam gasps, turning to Spencer with a grin. 

“He... he’s cuddling! He wants to be here; he likes me. I was so scared he wouldn’t... what?” Spencer’s got his phone out for a picture. 

“You’re cute. And happy. And I thought we should document the moment.” Liam blushes, running a hand through his hair sheepishly. 

“I probably look like shit. I haven’t showered in two days, I slept on a floor... you don’t need my picture.” 

“You look good. I won’t if you don’t want me to, and I can delete the one. But you looked so happy. I’m sorry.”

“No, I... it’s okay. We should take some for him.” 

“For... you think we should take pictures... for the pig?” 

“Yeah, so he knows his mommy.” 

“What’s he going to do with a picture of you?” 

“You’re the one who wanted to take it!” He’s laughing, and Spencer laughs, too, taking a few pictures of Liam and Oscar before he says, “I should get started on feeding, if you want to go back to sleep, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything.” 

“Can I help?” 

“Don’t you want to sleep in? I can take Oscar so you can sleep on the bed.” 

“I’m fine. Besides, nice plush carpet like this? Yours might be the best floor I’ve ever slept on. Let me help with feeding.” 

Spencer agrees and helps him up, and Liam nestles Oscar into his hood again as they start coffee brewing, then go out to the barns. 

As they carry feed to different animals, Spencer says, "You said my floor’s the best you’ve ever slept on; do you have a worst?”

“Oh man. My friend’s unfinished basement floor for sure. It was this sloped concrete, and it was so cold. He had to sneak me in so his parents wouldn’t know, so we couldn’t get me anything more than a blanket. I used a bunch of jackets for a pillow.” 

“Why did you stay; that sounds awful.” 

“Oh, uh, my parents... they kicked me out. When I came out to them. So I spent about a summer just me and Bell living in my car.” 

“That’s awful; I’m so sorry.” 

“It wasn’t too bad. I was working at a shelter, and they would board Bell for me off and on if I needed. And I had enough friends I could stay with that we made it through.” 

“I mean your parents, too, though. You didn’t deserve that.” 

“I... it’s fine,” Liam says, though his tone disagrees. “They... if they didn’t love me by that point they were never really going to. Better to be out of the situation.” 

“Still. You didn’t deserve to be in that situation in the first place. I’m sorry. You’re... you’re a great guy; if your parents can’t see that I don’t know what to say other than that they missed out.” 

Liam is bright red as he helps fill the manger. 

“But anyway, I’ve got a place now, and I’m hoping on a better one once my lease is up. So I’m back on my feet.” 

“Well, you’ve always got a home here, too.” Spencer hears a thud, and when he turns, Liam is just picking a feed bag up again. “I’m serious. I love having you here. It gets lonely sometimes, just me and the cows. I love ‘em, but it’s not the same as when Mom and Dad were here.”

“I... I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you. You don’t have to; I know I’m just a random almost-vet that treated a cow for you and then hung around for a month. But I appreciate it.” 

“Liam, dude. You are so much more than a vet to me. You’re my friend. Not... not to bring us back to elementary school or whatever, but you might be my best friend. I want to help you if I can.” 

Liam is bright red, and he mumbles something Spencer doesn’t quite catch as they make their way to the next manger. They fill it in silence, and as they move to the next, Spencer says, “I can check about a heating pad with my parents today. So you don’t have to wear a hoodie all the time.” 

“I should have one at my apartment I can grab, but if your parents have a spare it’s probably better to have more to give him options. I’ll need to run some errands anyway and probably pop back to my place for some old socks to make him little sweaters.” 

“if you want company, my parents live on the way into town. I could come keep you company and babysit Oscar while you go in places. I try and take weekends off as much as I can.” 

“I’d like that, if you’re free.” 

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll call my parents and let them know we’re coming. My mom will probably try and keep us for sweet tea on the porch, but if you don’t want to we don't have to. I think it’s just hard for them getting used to not working all the time.” 

“Why’d they stop? Just got worn out?” 

“My dad had an accident a few years back; busted up his leg real bad. He’s better, but it hurts when he’s on it too long or when he works it too hard. They moved closer to town last year so he’d have to stay off it. They still do a lot of the marketing and financial side of things, but it’s not the same.” 

“That’s when you took over out here?” 

“Yeah, someone had to. I sort of always knew I would; I love this place. It was just a little earlier than expected.” 

“That’s really admirable. It’s a lot of work to take on just like that.” 

“It’s not bad. Like I said; I always knew I’d do it eventually.” 

“Still, eventually is different than right away. It’s cool of you to step up like that.” 

They head back to the barns, going through the herd as they do so Spencer can check in on the cows. They seem happy enough, and Liam just smiles watching him meander through them, dolling out head rubs and scratches easily. Liam goes to find Annie, and when she comes up to him, she's already hunting for treats in his pockets. He laughs and scratches her forehead where she likes it, then kisses her nose. “Hi, baby. Yes, hi." She sticks her face toward his hood, and there's a little squeal that has her pulling back as Liam laughs. "Oh, that’s Oscar, your new baby brother! Do you want to meet him? Say hi, but be nice.” 

Annie sniffs Oscar a bit, and he snorts at her. She licks him, and Liam laughs as Oscar snorts again. He lifts Oscar up to kiss his little head, and Annie nuzzles up against him too. He laughs and kisses her nose, then looks up to see Spencer smiling at them. 

“Stay right there,” Spencer says, pulling out his phone. Liam grins, holding Oscar up while he lets Annie nuzzle his ear. When Oscar leans toward Annie, Liam turns to he can sniff her, little baby snorts of curiosity coming from him as he investigates his sister. “You said you wanted to know what to post on Instagram? This is something you should post,” Spencer says. 

“I’ll get some good pictures of Oscar and maybe do one of those posts with a lot of pictures to introduce people to him?” 

“That sounds good. We should get him a blanket or something; I’ll ask my parents if they have a baby blanket.” 

“I, uh, I should probably shower before I see them," Liam says, trying his best to pretend he's not terrified. "First impressions and all that. Do you mind if I use yours? I’ve got everything but running water, and I’ll be quick.”

“Go right ahead, and take as long as you want; I’ve got to get the milking done anyway. I can look after Oscar for a bit.” 

“You’re the best. Would... would you mind taking him now? I’ve got to stop by my car for clothes and shampoo and stuff.” 

“You have shampoo in your car?” 

“Yeah, just in case I need it. Came in handy here.” 

Spencer just nods, and Liam tries to pretend he doesn’t look concerned. It’s not pity, not exactly, but it feels like something close, and he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. If Spencer starts to pity him, something will change in their relationship, and he doesn't want to think about just how much he'd lose. Instead, he just gets his stuff and a change of clothes, then goes to shower, trying to be as quick as he can, but still look presentable for Spencer’s parents. His track record with parents isn’t exactly stellar, especially not with parents like Spencer’s, but he tries to pretend he’s not worried about them. Now isn't the time to remember all the parents who have yelled at him, or kicked him out of their houses, or sent him suspicious looks and thinly veiled distrust across dinner tables and living rooms. 

Spencer thinks his parents like him. That’s what matters. 

He’s pouring their coffee when Spencer comes in the back door, taking his coffee (milk but no sugar) with him when he goes back to the barn to get cows off milkers. He leaves Oscar inside for another feeding if he wants it, and he does, so he and Liam drink coffee and formula together until Spencer comes back in and digs out bread for toast. They eat with Oscar between them on the table, fast asleep.

“He really is cute,” Spencer says. “What do you plan to do with him?” 

“I’m honestly not sure. Probably look into a rescue farm for him somewhere; I can make some calls on Monday and see if anyone has space. I want him somewhere he’ll be safe and happy, and hopefully where I can visit occasionally? I don’t know; visiting’s less important than that he’s safe. I know there’s a few sanctuaries around, but I’m going to try and find him one close enough that we won't have to drive too far. I don’t know if he’d get carsick or anything, but I don’t want him scared or upset.” 

“How big’s he going to get?” Spencer asks, and Liam laughs a bit. 

“He’ll be a big boy, that’s for sure. Mom was probably around a couple hundred pounds, so he’ll get up there. But they're smart, and so fun. They're... don't tell Annie or Bell, but I think pigs might be my favorite animals to work on."

“Do... will he need other pigs around to be happy? What will he need? I could maybe see if anyone I know could help him.” 

"I think he'd do best with pig friends; they're social animals. He might get along with cows or goats, but it's... I mean, it's like people friendships; we just don't really know."

Spencer nods a few times, then says, "I'll ask around; see if anyone would be looking to adopt a pig. I've got a friend or two who've been thinking about opening up sort of farm tours, so a few pigs might be a fun addition to that."

"I mean, I can find a sanctuary, too. I don't want to force anyone to take him, and I want him to be safe. I know a lot of places do meat because pigs are expensive, and I get it, but he's... He's my baby, you know? If he makes it through this, I want him to be okay."

Spencer agrees as they get up to wash their dishes, and he offers to drive so Liam can hold Oscar. And just like that, they’re headed to meet Spencer’s parents. Liam keeps his focus on Oscar, trying not to think about the parents he’s met who have been less than trilled about him, who've looked at everything from his clothes to his haircut and decided that he won't be a good friend for their kids or a good fit with their family. 

He pulls down the visor again, trying to make himself look more presentable in the little mirror.

"Dude, they're going to like you," Spencer says. "If you're not comfortable, though, we can just say hi. I could say you have to stay in the car, even, that he's asleep on your lap and you don't want to wake him or something."

"It's fine. I should thank them for that care package anyway, it's just... parents don't tend to like me, is all. Do you think they'll think it's weird I haven't met them yet? Or thanked them myself? Should I have texted them to thank them for that care package? Or called them?"

"They're not going to mind," Spencer says. "I've told them some about you, and they're really excited to meet you, but if it's awkward or you're uncomfortable, we can just talk about Oscar for a few minutes and then go. Maybe... if you're ready to go, just say something about going to get Oscar's sweaters, and we'll head to your apartment. Does that sound alright?"

"Yeah, that... that sounds really good." Liam's surprised by a little lump in his throat at that. Spencer actively finding a way to make sure he's comfortable means more (and feels more foreign) than he might like to admit, but he's touched. 

It’s not a long drive, and before he’s quite ready, they’re parking in front of a relatively small two story house. There’s a big wrap around front porch, and a woman who must be Spencer’s mom is standing on it, watching them drive up. She waves as they get out, and Spencer jogs up the steps to give her a big hug. She hugs him back, then turns to Liam. He’s down a few steps, trying not to be in the way, but she just gives him a smile as big as Spencer’s. 

“You must be Liam. Thank you for looking after Spencer for us; I’m Susie.” 

“Nice to meet you, Ma’am. Thank you for the care package a few weeks back,” Liam says. "I think you’ve got things a bit backwards, though; Spencer’s the one who’s been looking after me.”

“Nonsense. He’s so much happier with you around, and we’re glad, too. We worry about him a lot, out there all alone.” 

“I’m just fine, Mama,” Spencer says. “Do y’all have a heating pad we can borrow for a bit? Liam’s got the baby, if you’d like to meet him.” 

Liam steps forward, shifting the hoodie so Susie can see the piglet. She looks over, then oohs and aahs appreciatively. “You said you got him last night?” 

“Yes, Ma’am. The farmer couldn’t look after him, so I offered to step in.” 

“I’m glad you were there for him. And I’m glad we can help some; my husband’s on his way with the heating pad. Do you boys have time to stay and talk a bit? I’ve got some sweet tea I can bring out and we can enjoy the morning.” 

Spencer looks over at Liam, and Liam nods. He’s still on edge, but this is important to Spencer, so he can suck it up and manage for a bit. “I think we’ve got time.”

Susie grins, getting them settled at a table. Liam lets Oscar out of the hoodie, and they watch as he explores the porch table. 

“Thank you,” Spencer says. "I know it's not exactly your first choice to be here, but I really appreciate it. They've been looking forward to meeting you."

"It's not a problem," Liam says, "I mean, it's good for me to get to know them; they're important to you. But do you mind watching Oscar for a minute, just to make sure he doesn't fall? I'm going to grab some more formula in case he gets hungry."

Spencer agrees, so Liam takes a second in the car to just breathe and remind himself that he doesn't need to worry before he grabs the formula and his heating thermos to rejoin Spencer. He's talking to a man who must be his dad, both looking at Oscar with smiles, though Spencer looks up when he hears Liam's shoes on the porch steps.

"Dad, this is Liam, he's been helping out at the farm."

"It's nice to meet you, son," Spencer's dad says, holding out a hand. "You'll excuse my not getting up; my knees aren't what they used to be. I'm Tom."

"It's good to meet you, Sir. I've heard a lot about you," Liam says. "Sounds like you ran a good farm, and I know you raised a great son."

“Yeah, we think we’ll keep him around,” Tom says. It’s a joke; he’s smiling at Spencer like it’s something he’s said before, but it makes something twist in Liam’s gut. 

Spencer’s parents wouldn’t kick him out. They love him; who wouldn’t? He’s going to be fine, and Liam knows that, but he still takes a second to focus on Oscar and take a deep breath. Spencer and his dad are talking, but under the table, Spencer’s knee rests against his. It’s alright. He can do this.

“Spencer says you’re finishing up vet school?” Tom asks when Liam looks up, and Liam nods. 

“Yes, Sir. I’m just finishing up my residency, and I’ll be a vet in May if everything goes according to plan.”

“Do you plan to stay in the area then?”

“I think I’d like that. The clinic I’m a resident at has sort of unofficially offered me a job, so I’m hoping to stay there, at least to start.” 

“Very good,” Tom says, and Liam nods, smiling a bit. 

“Liam’s in the middle of a busy part of the year for work,” Spencer says. “You said this was your busiest, right?” 

“Close to it, at least. Kitten season’s coming up, so that’ll be wild, but farm vets are especially busy now that animals are getting back into the fields and stuff.”

“What do you mean by ‘kitten season’? It sounds very cute,” Susie says, setting a glass of iced tea in front of Liam. He can feel his cheeks heat up a bit. 

“Oh, it... every spring, shelters get a lot of kittens in from community cats, or from pets who aren’t spayed or neutered, or whatever. I’m not on one of the outreach teams, so I won’t be working with them this year, but they can get swamped really quick, especially at no kill shelters. So cute, but definitely overwhelming. We’re starting our push for foster parents soon.”

“For the kittens? What would the foster parents do, just look after them?” 

“Yeah; they help take in kittens and get them ready for adoption. Some of the kittens will need intense care, but a lot just need a home and people to hang out with them for a bit so they can be safe and get used to being in a house. It’s super important; it helps free up space in the shelter and makes it easier for kittens to get adopted. I, uh, I was sort of hoping to ask Spencer about taking some out on the farm. Pre-pig, so now I don’t know if it’ll work.” Liam reaches for the sweet tea so that he won’t have to look at anyone else. Adding kittens to the farm suddenly feels like a lot, especially with the piglet, and he’s almost embarrassed at the idea. 

Oscar comes over to nestle into the hoodie, so Liam covers him up a bit, focusing on the piglet and letting himself take a moment to breathe while Spencer says, “I still think it would be nice to foster. We’ve needed barn cats for a while; maybe we could just adopt some? And Dad, you were saying y’all miss having animals around. Liam, do you think it's something they could do?”

“I mean, you don’t have to, but if you’re interested you definitely could,” Liam says. “It’s set up to make it easy, and I could definitely get you connected with the shelter.” 

It’s kitten talk until they finish the sweet tea, so Liam hears about Tom’s favorite barn cat as a kid and the community cats Susie used to feed. Even better, he avoids any questions about his family or his past, and when he shakes hands and says goodbye to Spencer’s parents, he gets to tell them he’ll connect them with a shelter so they can foster. 

As they pull onto the main road toward Austin, Spencer says, “Thank you. That meant a lot to them; they’ll probably talk about it all week.”

“It was good. A little weird at first, maybe, but good. They’re nice.”

“Yeah, I... that bit about keeping me around; my dad’s been saying that for years. It’s not—“

“I know. It just... you know. Hit a sore spot.”

“Cat never liked it much either,” Spencer says. “But seriously, thank you. They’ve wanted to meet you for a while.”

“And you think they liked me?” Liam asks, and Spencer nods. 

“I know they did. And I think they’ll like fostering, too; they’ve missed having someone to take care of. Dad especially likes to be needed, so maybe kittens will help him feel better about being retired. And I was serious about having some out at the farm too; we really do need some barn cats.” 

“That would be fun,” Liam says. “I’ll talk to the shelter on Monday and see what they can do for us.” 

Spencer says that sounds good, and as he drives, Liam feels the last of his tension slipping away. Now, it's just pig errands with Spencer. He can do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to [ the Kitten Lady on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/kittenxlady/), who regularly fosters kittens and is currently raising a piglet! I've been using her previous piglet stories for some light research for Oscar, so it's been fun watching Hugo grow.  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	10. Chapter 10

Spencer drives them to the park where Liam had his breakdown, and from there Liam gives directions to his building. He wants to make excuses for the place, or explain that he's just there until a job starts actually paying him more than just a stipend, but they're pulling up before he gets a chance. And Spencer is seeing it, in all its smelly, drafty glory. 

Maybe it's not so bad from the outside. The weed smell is certainly less strong out here, and he can't see the peeling paint or the stains in his carpet. Hopefully, as long as he can keep Spencer out here, Spencer won't notice how awful it is. 

"I'll be quick," Liam says, holding out Oscar. "If you don't mind holding him."

Spencer takes him with a smile, scratching the top of his head. "Not a problem. Take as long as you need; we'll hang out here, won't we, little guy."

Liam still goes through his apartment as fast as he can, grabbing a change of clothes along with a few old socks and other things he might need. He's back to the car before long, and he feeds Oscar another meal while they drive to a farm supply store. Oscar falls asleep when he's done eating, his sleeping noises blending with the radio. Spencer keeps looking over to smile, talking about how cute he is napping in Liam's lap. At one point, he just says, "I'm glad you were there for him. That's... I mean, you saved his life, dude. That's really cool."

"I mean, it's what anyone would have done, but thank you."

"I wouldn't have thought to do it, though. You asked specifically if you could help, and then you just... did. That's really cool."

"I guess. I don't know; it just makes sense to try and help people if I can. And animals, I guess. He needed help, and I could help him, so it wouldn't have been right to ignore that. I mean, what did I go to school for if not to help when I get the chance?"

"I just think you're impressive is all," Spencer says, shrugging as he pulls into the parking lot. Liam looks down to Oscar as Spencer parks, making sure Oscar's comfortable.

When the car is parked, he says, "I can stay here with the baby for now, then I'll go in when you're done. I don't want him to be out here alone in case it gets too hot or he gets scared or something."

"That works. Or, I mean... think he'll keep sleeping?" Spencer asks. Liam looks at the piglet, and who looks sound asleep, and nods. "Where's your hoodie? We'll put him in the front pocket and go in together."

"But you... you can't bring a pig into a store. We can't--"

"Where does it say that? Who says we can't bring him in? He'll just hang out in your pocket and sleep; we'll be fine."

“If I get banned, you’ll have to do my shopping here,” Liam warns him, and Spencer grins.

"I think I can manage that. Come on; you look like you've never broken a rule in your life."

"I genuinely can't think of the last time I broke a rule. Aside from keeping pets in my apartment, but that was never a permanent thing."

"Oh my god, Liam! Just put the pig in your hoodie and come on; we don't have all day."

That startles a laugh out of him, and he slips the piglet into his hoodie. Oscar’s little nose just barely pokes out, but Spencer won’t let him protest, instead just pulling him toward the store until Liam follows along. They’re in an aisle, comparing different pig formulas, when Oscar snorts. It's not loud enough to get anyone else's attention, but Spencer jumps, finally looking down at the little piglet who's just started to wake up. He finally sees the little snout just barely poking out of Liam’s hoodie, and he just laughs, leaning down for a picture. Liam puts a hand in his pocket to pet Oscar, and he settles down a bit, but Spencer’s still laughing.

“Oh my god what are we doing?” He asks, and that’s enough to get Liam started laughing, too. 

“This was your idea! I wanted to come in shifts.”

“You think I thought this through?” 

“Oh my god, we’re going to be banned,” Liam says, but he’s laughing too hard for it to have any weight. Spencer’s still laughing, too, reaching for the pig formula they’d picked. Liam holds out the basket, managing to get Oscar back to sleep despite the fact that he can’t stop laughing. He's not sure what it's like in the pocket, but he knows that he and Spencer aren't exactly subtle. It's only a matter of time before someone notices, whether Oscar wakes up or not.

“Is that everything you need?” Spencer asks, and Liam nods. He’s still chuckling as Spencer leads them toward the cow section, and it only gets worse when Oscar starts to snore. Theoretically, the laughter of two sleep-deprived twenty-somethings will cover up the sound of a snoring piglet, but they’re starting to get some looks. By the time they make it up to the checkout counter, they’re both barely holding in laughter. Liam’s paying first, all but wrestling Spencer away from the card reader so he can, when they hear what is definitely a pig snort. Liam looks down automatically, and Oscar’s got his head out of the hoodie, slowly blinking awake. He yawns, and Liam hurries to finish paying and get his stuff. 

He moves aside to let Spencer check out just as a little girl walks in. 

Her face is at the same level as Oscar’s. Liam sees it a second before it happens, as she points to the hoodie and says, “Mommy, he has a pig.”

The mom bends down while Liam frantically tries to get Oscar to quiet down, but then the little girl comes over looking shy. 

“Excuse me,” she says, and Liam gives up on getting Oscar back in the hoodie to look at her. “Can I pet your pig?”

“Oh, um, okay. Maybe if it’s okay with your mommy, we can go outside? Then I can take him out of my pocket.” 

The little girl gets her mom’s permission to go just outside the store, so she and Liam find a patch of grass, and he sets Oscar down between them. He sniffs around, little snorting noises accompanying his foraging. When the little girl pets him, he’s surprised at first, but then he wobbles over to investigate. He’s sniffing at the ground around her legs when Spencer comes out of the store. When he sees them there, Liam telling the little girl where Oscar came from, Spencer just rolls his eyes. The girl’s mom is out with a bag a moment later, and Spencer gets his stuff in the truck while she thanks Liam for babysitting. Liam reassures her that it wasn’t a problem, and when he sees Spencer at the truck, he grabs Oscar and hurries over.

"Sorry; I didn't make you wait, did I? Lucy wanted to know about how big pigs get, and if they'll grow as fast as she will, so we were talking about it."

"I didn't wait at all. You two were cute; you’re really good with kids.” 

“I think you mean Oscar’s good with kids. I’m just there to babysit him,” Liam says, but Spencer shakes his head. 

“No; I meant that you’re good with kids. Not everyone would be willing to just play with a random little girl like that, and she seemed really happy. You made her happy; Oscar just helped out.” 

Liam ducks into the truck, hoping the time it takes Spencer to get in with him will give him time to come up with something else for them to talk about. Thankfully, when Spencer gets in, he just asks if Liam has any errands left or if they should head home. 

Liam just says he’s done, and Spencer takes them back toward the ranch. They’re quiet for a bit, then Spencer asks, “Is there anything else he’ll need? Just in general growing up, I guess.” 

“I mean, eventually he will. If he stays in the house while he’s growing, we’ll need pee pads and things for him. Otherwise, I mean, food, space, a friend or two. I’ll call rescues tomorrow; you don’t need to worry about this.” 

“And those friends will be pigs?” 

“I think ideally? I think there’s at least a few sanctuaries where their pigs make friends with cows or sheep, but... I guess I don’t really know. It’s just sort of personalities, you know? They’re social like we are, so he could make friends with a cow or something.” 

Spencer just nods, and he’s clearly thinking, but Oscar snorts before Liam can ask anything. He turns his attention to the piglet, and Spencer starts to sing along with the radio as Liam’s mind wanders a bit. 

He’s trying to focus on Oscar, but Spencer saying they’re going home is what sticks in his mind. He’s probably called the farm home before. It’s his home, after all; this shouldn’t mean anything about Liam’s relationship to the house or land. But even if he shouldn’t, he feels something warm in his chest, burrowing in like a field mouse in a flower. It’s so small, and more fragile than he wants to admit, but it feels an awful lot like a quiet hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a shorter chapter, but I really loved that moment to end on! If you haven't seen them, do yourself a favor and google "field mice in flowers"; it's precious.   
> -  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a note, this story is technically an AU! I wanted Liam to meet Spencer when he was finishing vet school, which pushes it back four years. It hasn't mattered much, but Alex and his relationship with Liam (and That Phone Call) come up in this chapter, so it's relevant now.

They pick up lunch on their way back to the farm, eating on the back porch while Oscar naps in the sun. They’re both on their phones, enjoying the food as their knees bump under the table, when Spencer looks up with a start. “Weird question; do you know Alex Claremont-Diaz?”

“Yeah; we went to high school together. Why?”

"He put Oscar on his Instagram story,” Spencer says. “I was just staring trying to figure out how I knew the same pig as the president’s son."

“He’s the one who suggested the name Oscar,” Liam says. “Actually, fun story, he called me back before he and Henry started dating to ask if he was gay.”

“I’m sorry, he _what_?”

“Yeah man, listen. 2020 was a fucking ride. I’m focusing on like... finishing my undergrad and celebrating getting into vet school and this guy I used to mess around with in high school, who I haven’t talked to in FOUR YEARS because his mom became the _president of the United States_ , calls me to ask if he’s gay. Not how I'm doing, or what I'm up to; he just wants me to tell him if _he's_ gay. Then I'm just settling into my first semester of grad school and come to find out he's not only bi, he's dating the fucking prince of England."

"Oh my god." Spencer's laughter is infectious.

"But yeah, I know him. Good dude overall, just an absolute whirlwind."

"Sounds like it. But hey, maybe he could help you feed Oscar or boost a go fund me or something if you need it. Not that you can't do it on your own; I didn't mean it like that. I just know you're trying to save as much as you can, and you mentioned that pigs can get pricey is all."

"That might be a good idea," Liam says, nodding. So he and Spencer gather blankets and cut socks into sweaters and wrangle Oscar into a mini photo shoot on the deck. He falls asleep part way through, wearing a cut up sock as a little turtleneck and sprawled across a quilt. Between that picture and the ones of him meeting Annie, they've got some winning shots, so then it's on to math.

It turns out, neither of them are very good at math. Spencer's parents do the books for the farm, and Liam's good at knowing how much he'll need, but has no idea about a piglet. They end up doing quite a bit of googling, then guessing high on the amount of raising and rehoming him, just in case they have unexpected extra costs. When Liam finally gets back on Instagram to post their photoshoot and fundraiser, he's met with a slew of new followers, most with questions about Oscar. He shares pictures, trying to answer as many questions as he can in the caption and adding the donation link to his bio. He wants to answer more questions individually, but after five increasingly frustrating games of solitaire, Spencer steals his phone so he'll play cards instead.

They play for most of the afternoon, eventually getting up to take care of the evening chores. Liam relishes in the work, the way his muscles strain and his brain gets to turn off for a bit. He loves being a vet, but he can't wait to be able to help Spencer with more work around the farm, too. He's missed the grunt labor of carrying feed bags and mucking out stalls, competing to see who can carry the most bags (Spencer) and who can get them to the manger first (Liam). Oscar naps or explores nearby as the boys tire themselves out, eventually dusting off and changing shoes to head back toward the house.

Addie and Cat are pulling up when they get back, and they coo over Oscar, who loves all the attention he can get. Addie gets Spencer to come look at something, leaving Liam and Cat alone on the ground with Oscar. Liam's almost surprised by how easy she is to be with, but she feels different from the other adults he's known.

“How’d it go meeting his parents?” She asks, and Liam shrugs. He rolls a little ball of tin foil across the grass, and Oscar chases after it.

“It was okay I hope. They want to foster kittens, which could be really cool. And I think they liked me well enough.”

“They’re good people. We’ve lived next door to them since before Spencer was born, and they’ve always been good to us. We’ve been invited to family holidays and all sorts of things here, even when the other neighbors would barely look at us. They... They're a good family.”

“They are,” Liam says, almost automatically. “I... I hope they like me well enough is all. I know I’m taking up a lot of Spencer’s time, and then last night I just... showed up with a pig.”

“That sounds like something Tom would do. The man was always going to auctions and buying sick animals to heal up. He rescued our donkey Bacchus, the little shit.” She says it so fondly Liam can’t help but smile, reaching down to pet Oscar as the piglet’s wandered back to them. The ball of foil is still sitting where is rolled, and Liam makes a mental note to go pick it up later.

“It’s... that’s really good to know, actually. I’ve been sort of worried they’d be upset that Spencer’s spending so much time with me, or that they wouldn’t want a pig on their family farm.”

“Nah; I bet they’d both love it. If I’m honest, I’m surprised they didn’t end up with more animals like him out here. I know the horses are rescues from somewhere, but I don't know what happened to his other babies. Maybe Tom just gave them away, but I know there have been quite the array of animal guests through this place. Oscar’s probably not the first piglet to stay here, and I doubt he’ll be the last.” Liam smiles at that. Oscar’s trying to climb into his lap, so he helps him out, finding him a comfortable place to cuddle. Cat reaches over to pet him, and Liam gives her a little smile.

“You’re a good guy,” she says after a minute. “I’m sure they see that. Anyone who’d spend so much time and energy helping a piglet is bound to be just as dedicated to helping out a friend if they need it, so I’d bet Tom and Susie are glad to have you looking out for Spencer. I know Addie and I are.”

“I appreciate it, but y’all have that backwards. Spencer’s the one looking out for me.”

“I think you’re looking out for each other,” Cat says with a smile. “Trust me; I knew him before you got here. He needed someone like you.”

Liam’s still trying to process what exactly that means when Spencer and Addie come to join them, and they catch up in the grass while Oscar naps in Liam’s lap. Cat and Addie are both excited to dote on him, and Liam gets to text his boss about possibly bringing in a piglet to bottle feed at work. He'll have to figure something out long term, but for now, he just wants to make sure Oscar makes it through the next few days. He should be alright, especially when he's eating less often, but Liam knows as well as anyone that's never a sure thing.

Still, Oscar’s happy and cuddly all night. They play cards and board games with Cat and Addie, and Oscar dozes on the table, occasionally waking up to be showered in love and to use his snout to pick cards for Liam to play. When Cat and Addie leave, Spencer sees them out, then comes back to say, "Show me how to feed him?"

"I... it's not a big deal; I can take care of it."

"No, please. I know he's your piglet and your responsibility and everything, but I want to help if I can, and that means learning how to feed him. What temp should the bottle be at? It's just this formula, right?"

"Yeah, and just mix it with warm water. The water first, so you know how many ounces he's eating. I'll make a chart in the morning to track it," Liam says. He goes over to show Spencer what he's been doing, and Spencer goes from playfully fun to deadly serious in moments. He's all but taking notes in his phone for something as simple as making a bottle, and Liam tries not to feel anything about that.

"Is there any trick to feeding him?" Spencer asks, once the bottle is full. "Any special angle or anything?"

"Not really. He likes to be cuddled up, and I know people put banana on the end if they have trouble getting the piglet interested, but I haven't had to do that for him. The biggest thing is just to make him take breaks so he'll breathe."

Spencer takes over, swaddling Oscar in a blanket and following Liam's instructions to a t. He's laser focused on the piglet in front of him, only glancing up to make sure he's doing it right, and Liam almost can't believe how lucky he is to have someone else helping him. When he's taken in animals before, it's always been just him, and it's been exhausting. Maybe this time, though, he won't have to be constantly attached to Oscar. As much as he loves the little piglet, he'd also love to be able to take a break.

It’s only after the feeding is done and Oscar’s asleep that Spencer lets his focus shift. It's like a switch flips when the piglet falls asleep, and all of a sudden, Spencer's back to the excitement he had before feeding time. He leads Liam to the living room and gets him settled on the couch, then says, “Wait here.”

He’s up the stairs like a puppy, and Liam just settles on the couch, scrolling through his Instagram notifications, responding to questions when he can and trying his hardest to stay awake. Without anyone to keep him engaged, the exhaustion of the past few days hits him like a truck, and it’s all he can do to keep his eyes open. He’s considering just giving up and napping on the couch by the time Spencer comes back down the stairs to grab his arm and pull him up. Liam's still trying to wake up and match Spencer's energy as he's pulled up the stairs, and he's just about ready to acknowledge that staying up two nights in a row is a bad idea when Spencer leads the way into his en suite. He's all but vibrating with excitement as he steps aside, revealing a small penned in area.

The floor of the play pen is lined with pee pads, and there's a heating pad and a pile of blankets in one corner, a few toys in the middle. Everything Oscar might need is in one little space, and Spencer's all nerves as he glances between it and Liam's face, trying to gauge his reaction.

“I thought maybe he could stay here overnight. And you can maybe get some actual sleep where you’re not waking up in the middle of the night to save diabetic cats or runty piglets. If there's anything else he needs, we can get it now, and then I’ll get up and feed him during the night, since I know what to do now. If anything goes wrong I can come get you. Or you can sleep in here, with me or on your own. But I... I think it would be good if you slept in your room. You’re really tired.”

Liam blames the lump in his throat on the exhaustion. It has everything to do with the fact that he’s tired and nothing to do with how long it’s been since anyone’s looked after him like this. “I... where did all of this come from?”

“I asked Cat and Addie to bring it. Cat distracted you while Addie helped me carry stuff in. It’s... is it okay? Does it look good to you? I didn’t really know what he’d need, but I tried to get everything you mentioned, and set it up so he might not need us to cuddle him.”

“It looks great. And you... if I sleep in the other room, you don’t mind feeding him?”

“Not at all. We can take turns; I’ll let you have tomorrow night,” Spencer says, and Liam nods. It feels strange to put Oscar down and leave him alone with a ‘goodnight’, but Liam’s too tired for much else. He barely manages to say goodnight to Spencer and change out of his jeans before he’s falling into the best sleep he’s had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live!! I didn't realize I hadn't updated in almost a month; sorry y'all 😅  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


	12. Chapter 12

When Liam wakes up the next morning, it's light outside. He feels guilty almost immediately, and the sound of Spencer moving around the kitchen doesn’t make it any better. Spencer's probably been awake for at least an hour, and Liam's missed the morning chores. Even if he hasn't been sleeping well, that's no excuse for skipping out on helping Spencer. Still, when he hurries downstairs to find Spencer in the kitchen, he doesn't seem particularly upset. Oscar’s pen has been moved to the kitchen, where he can be with them but out of the way while they cook and eat. Spencer’s singing to him, some country song that’s definitely meant to be sung to a partner playing from his phone, but Oscar seems happy to be included at the very least. He's making little honking noises, and they're making Spencer laugh as he stirs scrambled eggs.

Liam hasn’t thought about his future for a while, and even when he has, he hasn’t thought about a partner. Hell, he’d spent a few years in undergrad trying to forget he’d ever hoped for a boyfriend. But now, seeing Spencer and Oscar, a little part of him yearns for something like this. He’s wanted a farm and room for a rescue for ages, but the longing for a boy to share it with worms its way into the dream. He shoves it down almost immediately. He knows as well as anyone what a pain he is to be around. Beyond that, though, there’s the fact of moving on. People get bored of him and leave, or they decide he’s too much, or life just carries them away. He can count on one hand the number of people from his undergrad he still talks to, and his grad school friends are already starting to trickle out of Austin. No one would stick around long enough to build a rescue with him, let alone help him run it.

“You’re up!” Spencer’s voice jolts him out of his thoughts, the music dropping off in volume, though it’s still playing in the background. “Breakfast is almost ready. How’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby,” Liam says, smiling. “Sorry I wasn’t up to help with the chores—“

“Nonsense. You needed sleep,” Spencer says. “You’ve been really tired recently.”

"Still, I--"

"Shush. Go say good morning to your son, and then I've got breakfast. Also, I... I think you should stay off social media for the day. Just sort of get in that habit of taking breaks, now that you're a celebrity pig dad."

"I don't know if I'm exactly a celebrity," Liam says, but Spencer shakes his head. 

"You are! You're a celebrity pig dad, which means people are going to be weird. I follow enough farmers and rescues to know people get weird as shit in the comments of livestock posts."

“Alright. For you and the baby, I’ll take some time off,” Liam says, and Spencer laughs. 

“Perfect. Now come get breakfast. And... Oscar and I were talking; we wondered if you’d want to do something when you get your NAVLE results. You could come out here again, or we could do something with the adults— or if you’re doing something with your friends, too, that’s totally fine.” 

Liam catches himself stopping for a second in the middle of filling his plate. “I, Uh... I don’t really know if it’s the kind of thing I can plan to celebrate. I’ll get the results next month, but there’s no guarantee.” 

Spencer helps himself to a pancake, bringing it to the table as he says, “Well, how about this. When you get them, let me know. You can come over, and we can find out together if you don't want to do it alone, and then we'll eat. I’ll make mac and cheese. It’s an easy recipe, and it’ll be good for whatever the results are. If it’s bad, it’s a comfort food, and when they’re good, it’ll be celebration.” 

“How are you so good at that? Just finding solutions to stuff,” Liam says, and Spencer shrugs. 

“It’s... honestly, I’m always looking for an excuse to eat mac and cheese.” 

That makes Liam laugh, and Spencer grins, bumping their knees under the table as they eat. It's fun, and it's easy, just like anything with Spencer is fun and easy. At least, it’s fun and easy until Spencer says, “if you want to run to your apartment for stuff today, I can watch Oscar. I’m not sure what you’ve got in your car, but if you want different clothes or something, I can hang out while you go get whatever you need. How long do you think he’ll need to be inside? And do you want to stay here whenever he is? I mean, I don’t mind looking after him, but I might not do the best job, and I know you really love him. There’s definitely more than enough space, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to be here either.” 

Liam just rubs his eyes. He’d slept well, but he’s not sure he’s rested enough for this. “I... I guess, yeah. I hadn’t even thought about that. I’ll go to my apartment and pack stuff up, but I... I don’t want to force you to do this. I’ve got a few contacts in rescue I could talk to about taking him, or I could bring him home at night and try and convince my neighbors not to rat me out. It’s... I appreciate it, I do, but it can be a lot.” 

He makes himself stop before he adds that he can be a lot. That’ll make Spencer feel bad for saying no; if he can just leave it at the pig then there's no pressure either way. 

But Spencer just shrugs, rolling his eyes. “Nonsense. I love having you both here; it’s nice to not be alone. I... I’m not sure I realized how big this place is until you helped look after me a couple months back, but it’s a big place. It feels empty when it’s just me.” 

“Still, thank you,” Liam says. "I don't take it for granted, and if it ever gets to be too much, I can go. I'll be alright."

"I don't think it will, but alright. If it'll make you feel better, I promise to let you know if I need some space and can't get it just by going outside or while you're at work."

"Thank you," Liam says, and Spencer looks almost worried.

"Dude, I want you here. I like spending time with you. You know that, right?” 

Liam nods, though he’s far from convinced. 

“I... back in the park, remember how I said this might be hard for me? It... this is... part of that.” He says it slowly, but when he risks a look up, Spencer’s looking at him intently, smiling after a moment. 

“Okay. That’s... I should have known that. Sorry; I didn’t... I want you to know that I like having you here. There’s enough space here that I can get time alone if I need it, but I’ll communicate with you no matter what. And you can do that too, yeah? If you do stay here for a bit, but I’m being overbearing, you’ve got your room, but you can also just tell me you need some space and I’ll back off. I know that probably won’t be easy, but it’s okay with me.” 

Liam nods, letting himself relax just a bit. “Okay. I... I’ll get my stuff today, and I’ll stay here for a bit. It’s... it might be a couple weeks; I don’t have to if that’s too long. I still... I’ll call rescues today and see if they have space and how soon they could take him.” 

“I can ask some friends, too,” Spencer says, getting up to start their dishes. Liam automatically moves to help with cleanup, starting a bottle for Oscar while he’s at it. There’s a note on the fridge in Spencer’s handwriting listing the times and amounts he ate overnight, and even that he’d thought to do that feels special. 

“Thank you. You don’t have to; I’m sure I can find someone if we need to.”

“I’ll ask. Who knows; maybe Cat and Addie have been just dying to get their hands on a pet pig.” 

“God; that would make me so happy. I mean, I’ll be happy wherever he ends up, but I’d love to have him close.” 

Spencer just smiles as he passes Liam plates for the dishwasher, but he's already trying to think. He's not sure what a pig will need, other than pig friends, but they have to have a good spot somewhere. He saw Liam light up when he mentioned Cat and Addie; it's no question that Liam wants Oscar here. And if it'll make him that happy, well, Spencer would do just about anything. Liam relaxes more with the pig nearby. Really, they both relax more around Oscar, but Spencer's found other things that relax him. He's never seen Liam this calm, though, or this happy about something he's doing. As Liam turns to feed Oscar while Spencer finishes up the dishes, it's like that first night with Annie all over again, when Liam was studying for his NAVLE but still made time to cuddle with her. He's relaxed, gently baby talking the piglet as he feeds him, too focused on what he's doing to be worried about anything else. 

Spencer has to figure something out. With Liam off social media today, he can try a fundraiser, and just maybe, something will work out. 

He says goodbye as Liam goes to his apartment, then brings Oscar up on the table, letting him wander a bit while Spencer tries to figure out exactly what he’ll need for a pig pen. He texts a few friends about the possibility of getting another piglet somewhere, then texts a few others to ask if they’ve ever put pigs in with their cows. Oscar had seemed alright with Annie, and if he grows up around cows he might be alright, but the internet seems divided about what it could do to the pasture. 

Liam texts that he’s on his way back, and that’s when Spencer starts doing math. He looks into materials, food, and more, then starts a go fund me for a surprise pig sty. Then comes the hard part. He posts it to his own Instagram, hiding his story from Liam just in case. And finally, he takes the plunge, sending it to the first son of the United States. 

“I’m Liam’s friend, and I’m hoping to do something to celebrate him finishing vet school. He really loves Oscar, and I have some land, so I’m hoping to surprise him with a pig sty and wondered if you would be okay boosting this. I’m going to be keeping him off socials on Sundays to keep it a surprise.” 

He’s still agonizing over his word choice and phrasing when he hears Liam pull up outside, so he sends it in a rush, pocketing his phone and trying to look busy doing something else. It takes him a minute to realize he can just go outside and help, and by the time he’s gotten to the door with Oscar in tow, Liam’s there, carrying his backpack, a cooler, and a battered duffel bag over his shoulder. 

“Anything else to get?” Spencer asks, holding the door, and Liam shakes his head. 

“This can go to the kitchen, though. I pulled the super perishable stuff from my fridge.” He hands over the cooler, and something about that cements it in Spencer’s mind. Liam really is going to be staying here for the foreseeable future. He feels almost giddy thinking about it. Even if it’s temporary, he gets to live with a friend again. The fact that that friend is Liam, who loves the farm like he does and is the kindest person Spencer knows, is just the icing on the cake. He’s already looking forward to hurried mornings and lazy evenings, to sharing meals and relaxing together. Maybe, if Liam wants, they can swap off cooking for each other or make things together. Maybe they can have movie marathons or game tournaments, or maybe they’ll find something that feels unique to them. He knows he’s getting ahead of himself, but still, he can’t wait to see what the next few weeks hold. 

He finishes unpacking the cooler and heads upstairs, where he runs into Liam coming down. He doesn’t even realize he’s smiling until Liam asks, “what’s got you so excited?” 

“I’m just glad to have you here,” Spencer says, and he can feel his face getting hot as Liam blushes. Still, he can’t stop smiling. 

“I... I’m glad to be here,” Liam says, rubbing the back of his neck. “It... my building isn’t great, and it’s nice to be out in the open and with someone else. It feels like it’s been a long time since I lived with someone who liked me.”

And Spencer really is in deep, just head over heels, because even that can't stop his smile. It dims a bit, but at least he resists the urge to pull Liam into a hug, settling for a hand on his arm, giving it a squeeze.

"Well, I can't think of anyone I'd rather share it with. Even if it's just for a bit, I'm glad you get this, and I'm glad I do, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, the song Spencer's singing is "Head Over Boots for You" by Jon Pardi. It's what I almost named this fic after before I went the English nerd route!  
> \--  
> Also, I realized I never mentioned here, but I took a month off from writing fic! I painted, I wrote original stuff, and I read, and it was really nice! But I do apologize for dropping off the face of the earth for so long lol  
> \--  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


End file.
